


Sage

by ImperialMint



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Partial Deafness, Post-War, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-04 12:22:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6657568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperialMint/pseuds/ImperialMint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war, Yamato has his team. He has Sai, who cooks and cements the bond between them all, his smile becoming more genuine by the day. He has Sakura, who makes sure they're healing, at least physically, and that they have each other's backs, for now and forever. He has Naruto, who's become something of a bigger, permanent fixture in Yamato's life as secret keeper and training companion. And, of course, he has Kakashi, in a way, if he could just stop avoiding him and his feelings.</p><p>He'll figure it out eventually, Yamato thinks, though he pretty much knows how it will end. In the mean time, he's got a forest to rebuild, an entirely new skill set to learn, and a life to recover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. [naruto]

**Author's Note:**

> i wish i could finish things before starting more but... the kakayama called to me and i have to answer. i also need to get this out of my system before i can write the gaiden old men holiday story i have in mind so... here it is!
> 
> plus there is a lot of fallout from the war everyone needs to work through, and i can imagine yamato and kakashi are pretty top of that list. and, you know, the hokage needs a kickass boyfriend and can you get any better than a wood sage? wasted potential there.
> 
> Enjoy! The next chapter should be up soon, i hope. Thank you, as always, to [upn-the-sky](upn-the-sky.tumblr.com) for the partially deaf yamato headcanon, and for your amazing art! Go check them out!!

“So what do you think?” Yamato asks, leaning forwards. Naruto narrows his eyes, closes them, and hums.

“Sure,” he says, and Yamato gives a small hint of a smile. Even after a war, Naruto hasn’t changed. “I mean why not? It would be cool, at least.” He grins, opening his eyes. 

Yamato realises then that Naruto has changed. He’s seen things on the battlefield none of them wanted him to see. He’s seen death and destruction first hand, had his bijū ripped from him (something that should have, by all rights, killed him there and then), and reached his goal of connecting with Sasuke again. Except Sasuke had left, and now Naruto is in the same limbo Yamato is. Waiting, waiting for change, waiting to do something, brimming with power yet there’s no enemy, nothing to work towards.

Touching his left ear gently, Yamato leans forward. He notices Naruto’s right shoulder dip, and knows that they’re both thinking of the things they lost in this war. 

“I don’t even know if I can do it,” he confesses, and it seems like such a strange thing to do, confessing to someone. Before, there was only really Kakashi who Yamato could open up to, at least properly, and he feels a relief to be able to talk to someone else. 

“But you never know until you try, right?” Naruto says, his eyes bright. Yamato nods, sitting back in his seat and thinking. This could all be a gamble, or it could be one of the best decisions of his life.

He looks around Naruto’s apartment. It’s not one of the buildings he helped put up, but it’s nice enough. There’s hardly anything personal, aside from a few scrappy things that were clearly salvaged from the destruction Pein caused. He has a handful of team photos, and Yamato wonders if they could get a picture of Team Kakashi to sit by the Team 7 frame.

“Do you…” Naruto trails off, so unlike him that Yamato looks at him hurriedly. He looks unsure of himself, and so young all of a sudden. He’s only 17, Yamato thinks, and while he was a hardened ANBU at that time, Naruto still has so much energy and youth left. 

He knows what Naruto wants to ask, of course he does. And there is a small part of Yamato that wants to deny him of it, to tell him that this journey is for Yamato alone. The bigger part, however, craves the company. He wants someone with him, someone who won’t give a shit about anything. He wants someone who he can relate to, and at the moment, Naruto seems to be the only one who gets it.

“I can submit a mission request to Tsunade-sama right away,” Yamato says, and Naruto looks at him sharply. He looks vulnerable, but the look clears as he nods firmly. “It’ll be a two-man unit tasked with tracking down some intel I have about a research facility. I’ll get back to you with the details as soon as I can,” Yamato says softly, and Naruto nods. 

As Yamato leaves, he breathes deeply, resisting the urge to press his hand against his ear. Even now he still feels as if his hearing will return at any moment, but he knows it’ll never happen. 

.

They set out two days later, just after dawn. Naruto picked the time, strangely, and Yamato thinks he wants to get away before anyone notices. There is no one waiting at the gates to see them off, no one aside from a sleepy chūnin at the desk, and they leave without fuss.

As soon as they’re out of Konoha, Yamato notices a change in atmosphere. Naruto begins explaining places he went with Jiraiya, asking Yamato whether that was the place they were headed or not, and Yamato listens. Whether he meant to or not, Naruto is on his good side, and he thanks him privately for that.

He has no doubt that Tsunade knows they’re not looking for some research base. It was probably a ridiculous excuse, but Yamato knows how to make things work to his advantage. He’s unflappably loyal to his Hokage, don’t get him wrong, but he needs this journey, as does Naruto. Tsunade, beginning the gradual change to the Rokudaime, is stressed and trying to work through the end of the war. She also refuses to meet his eyes, and Yamato wonders how much of it is misplaced guilt (she isn’t to blame for his capture and imprisonment after all) and how much of it has to do with her grandfather.

Which is really the reason Yamato is out here, listening to Naruto explain how he once had twelve feral cats decide he was their new heating system.

Nothing remarkable happens. It’s strange, they meet only one other human in the space of four days – a rice farmer who stops to talk with them. He says most other people are still hiding, unsure that the war has ended. He has rice to plant, he says with a gap-toothed grin, and nods as they walk on by. They don’t come across anyone else, and it’s cathartic.

“Yamato-taichō,” Naruto says one evening. They’re on the outskirts of Yu no Kuni, and they can already see the devastation of the war. It hasn’t been that long, Yamato supposes, but he had thought nature would grip tighter than it has. It’s a shame, he thinks, and he looks away.

“Do you think the world can change?” Naruto asks, and his voice is small, reminding Yamato of a time in a snow-ridden country. Things had been so different back then, and yet not at all. The world is still full of ninja.

“I don’t know,” Yamato admits. He can admit things now, doesn’t have to hide things from Naruto and pretend he knows better. He doesn’t, and Naruto can’t be sheltered from everything. They both need to grow.

“Neither do I,” Naruto comments dully, as if he had expected that answer. He falls into silence, and Yamato leaves it. He’s tired anyway, and Naruto is taking first watch.

Yamato spots the mangroves first. They’ve come to the edge of the border between Hi no Kuni and Yu no Kuni, staring out as if to Ushiogakure. There is a small clump there, a mangrove forest, and Yamato feels excitement curl in his belly for the first time in a long while.

“I’m going to set up camp,” Naruto says, holding his fist out for Yamato to bump against. He blinks, not expecting Naruto to stay behind, but nods all the same, understanding even before he touches Naruto’s fist.

Something passes between them the moment their skin meets. It’s as if Naruto’s entire life rolls into him in an instant, and Yamato catches the important bits. He thinks Naruto must see the same, and he wonders if it makes him any different in Naruto’s eyes. He pulls back, warily, but Naruto just grins.

“You’ll be able to reach me if you need me?” Naruto asks, and Yamato nods slowly. 

“Are you sure?” he asks, even though he knows that Naruto is surer than anything. He’s the one who’s done this before, after all, but Yamato has to check. 

“You understand,” Naruto states, “and I’ll be here. I don’t think it will take you that long, unlike me.” He gives a laugh, closing his eyes and rubbing his nose with a finger. 

“Alright then,” Yamato concedes, and on a whim, ruffles Naruto’s hair. Naruto looks at him with wide eyes, all traces of humour dropped, and Yamato thinks he’s made a terrible mistake for a moment. 

Except Naruto smiles gently, tilting his head. It’s acceptance, love even, and Yamato realises he’s never really had this before. At least not from anyone except Kakashi, and even then it was hardly a soft, settled thing. This, his bond with Naruto, means family. Team Kakashi, for all their flaws and differences, is a family. 

“I won’t be long,” Yamato promises, and he turns away, stepping out onto the sea.

He uses more chakra than he has in a while, and he walks slowly, letting his chakra burn and strip away. He’ll be tired when he hits the mangroves, but that is beside the point. His chakra is his tool to use. If he needs help, he has the strongest man in the Alliance with him. He’ll be alright.

The mangroves aren’t normal. They are huge, towering above Yamato like the tallest trees that surround Konoha, their twisted roots curling through water. Yamato steps onto dry land with a sigh, glad to not need his chakra any longer. He pushes on, avoiding foot traps the roots make, and continues, only half-knowing what he’s looking for. It’s more of a feeing than something he knows, he reasons, and he is rewarded when the trees thin.

It presumably opens out to the centre of the island, where a waterfall cascades through a small grove of trees. It looks out of place amongst the mangroves, and Yamato knows these trees aren’t ordinary trees. Though they are small, their trunks are thick and marked with time. They look lush, as if someone is tending to them, and Yamato is not surprised when he sees a figure in the centre of it all.

They knew he was coming of course. 

“Only one other has sought us out,” the creature says, its voice low. It is old, Yamato knows, older than the trees it tends to and the mangroves that protect this place. This creature, who looks like a woman and yet has skin that would belong better on a tree, has been ruling over this place, protecting it, for so many years. It’s only because of its curiosity that Yamato was able to step past the first mangrove roots, and he knows this very well.

“Senju Hashirama,” Yamato said, and the creature nods, pushing hair back from its face. It rustles like leaves, and it looks at Yamato, eyes crinkling.

“You have some of the same spirit, I can see,” it says, turning its back on the trees and looking at Yamato fully. “But you are not Senju Hashirama.”

“My name is Yamato,” Yamato supplies, and a cold sliver of fear runs through him. Names are important, but he’s never known his birth name. He’s had so many identities too, what if his name is unacceptable.

“I know who you are, child,” the creature says, waving its hand and closing its eyes. “And I know why you are here.”

Yamato thinks of a grey-yellow room, of the mass before him, and how it had felt when Hashirama had been reawaken. He remembers the man himself, and while they’d never met in person, they had still spoken.

He can remember it as if it had just happened. It had taken Yamato a while for to register the presence, but before he’d been used against the Allied force and after he’d been captured, Yamato had… connected, for lack of a better term, with the Hashirama clone he’d been stuck alongside. He’d felt the Edo Tensei ripple through him, and it had been as if Hashirama was standing with him then, the two of them in this exact clearing.

“Ah,” Hashirama had said, eyes widening as he’d looked at Yamato. “I’m sorry.”

The apology had shocked Yamato to his core, but those words had stripped away decades of pain and suffering, all for the mokuton. They didn’t need to say more to understand each other, and even now Yamato still feels the peace Hashirama left behind.

He remembers sitting with Hashirama in peace, soaking in his knowledge, and it’s what prompts him to sit down. He lets the world wash over him, trying to accept peace as he’s never been able to before.

It takes him hours, he thinks, but he learns so much. Yamato can hear the birds on the other side of the forest, can hear the trees as they sway, thinks he can even sense Naruto sleeping. He comes out of his trance and meets the forest guardian’s eyes. It smiles, gesturing for Yamato to peer in the water, and so he does.

Even though it’s what he’s spend the past weeks dreaming about, seeing sage marks on his skin takes Yamato by shock. They are, unsurprisingly, similar to Hashirama’s, though he only has rings around his eyes and curves over his cheeks, and the mark on his forehead has a line through the centre. He is only able to obtain this technique due to Hashirama, but he is more than just Hashirama, and Yamato feels himself well up with tears.

He bows low to the guardian and it laughs, flower petals catching on the wind of its voice. It lets him go in peace, looking at him as if Yamato were its child, letting him know should he need peace or want to leave the human world then he is welcome here, and he leaves the mangroves slowly, taking time to savour the world in this new clarity.

His sage mode wears off before he meets up with Naruto again, but he can still feel Naruto’s presence long before they’re together. Naruto is grinning, practically bouncing off the trees, when Yamato arrives, and he looks as if he’s about to burst from the questions he wants to ask.

“Did you do it?” he asks, eyes narrowing in a squint. He grins at Yamato’s silence, ignoring all personal boundaries and latching onto Yamato’s arm, pulling him close to his tent.

“Taichō,” Naruto says, pulling at his sleeve eagerly. Yamato knows what Naruto wants, and they sit opposite each other, letting the darkness surround them. 

It’s easier than he’d thought it would be. Returning to sage form is an art, and Yamato knows that he’d never be able to do this without Hashirama’s genes. But he has those, has been forced into using the highest level mokuton techniques via the enemy, and he has the knowledge now, guided into him by Hashirama and the guardian of the mangroves.

Naruto is looking at him when he opens his eyes, feeling the world curl around him. He is in sage mode, and Naruto beams brightly.

“You have cooler marks than me,” he says, eyes darting all over Yamato’s face. “What did you learn?”

Yamato thinks of the techniques Hashirama has already walked him through, and the ones he was able to use when fighting the Allied force, techniques he’s never been able to accomplish before and will never again without sage chakra. He remembers wooden dragons and hulking humanoid figures, and Yamato shakes his head.

He places his hands on the ground, closing his eyes and concentrating. He feels the earth stir, life coaxed to the surface as Yamato pours his energy into the ground, and he keeps pushing, pouring, making use of the new energy he has.

“There,” he says, and opens his eyes, ignoring Naruto’s quizzical look. “It’s not much but…” Yamato trails off, feeling the last dregs of his sage power fade. He’ll need to train more if he’s to continue using it.

Naruto stands, inspecting the area around them. Yamato can tell the exact moment he realises what’s happened, for he lets out a noise of disbelief, eyes wide as he looks back at Yamato.

“Yamato-taichō,” he whispers, sounding as spooked as he does when Yamato makes scary faces. “You…”

What he’s done is replant a forest, yes. It’s only a tiny portion of the area damaged by the war, and the forest is still so young compared to what they destroyed, but it’s there. This is what Yamato wants to use his powers for, what he’ll only use sage mode for. He doesn’t want another weapon; he wants to heal.

“I wasn’t there,” he says, voice thick. He struggles for words, and Naruto waits, so patient and still that Yamato can easily see the Hokage he’ll grow into one day. “I couldn’t help. They used me and…” Yamato closes his eyes.

“I remember when Ero-sennin died,” Naruto offers, voice quiet and calm. “It’s what fuelled me to undergo sage training. I wanted to hurt Pein, wanted to get back at the world… but I realised that wouldn’t do me any good when I fought him.”

Yamato looks at him, waiting. 

“I realised that I’d been training wrong my entire life. Everything was about power to show off, to be the best. Sure I blabbed on that I wanted to be the Hokage, but it wasn’t because I wanted to protect everyone. Back then, all I wanted was acknowledgement.” Naruto shrugs. “We’ve all been doing this for the wrong reasons, but it’s never too late to change our minds.”

They have history on their shoulders, Yamato thinks, and Naruto knows this better than most. They have a duty to change, to make sure the world will never see another war, and Yamato wants to be a part of it. He thinks he’ll follow Naruto with all his heart when he becomes Hokage, but there is someone else to consider before his reign. 

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Yamato says, and he sees a flicker of surprise in Naruto’s eyes. He tilts his head, squints, and stays like that.

“But why?” he asks, and Yamato looks down, fingers pressing against the ground. He scrapes some dirt in his hand, rolling it over his skin. It grounds him, and he sighs as Naruto shifts, clearly waiting for an answer.

“I need something for myself, just for now.” Yamato glances up. “I’m happy to share this with you, but no one else yet. Especially not…” he trails off, and Naruto nods slowly.

“I don’t think I understand,” he replies slowly, “but I promise not to tell. If… if when you’re here, can I come with you?” He sounds just as unsure as he was the first time he asked, and Yamato doesn’t waste any time wondering if he wants Naruto here or not. 

“I’m sure you have meditation techniques that will help me, and it’ll be easier getting out of Konoha with the two of us. I can speak to Tsunade-sama, see if she’ll place us on a repeated mission every two weeks or so.”

Naruto nods firmly. “Pretend you’re training me in tactics or something,” he says merrily, and then considers his words. “Can you train me on tactics? I feel like that’s the sort of thing I should know more about.”

Yamato nods, and their deal is sealed. It won’t be their secret forever, but Yamato needs this for now. He thinks Naruto might need it too, and he falls asleep to the rumble of a new forest burning inside of him, one he’ll be able to create and set right the destruction his mistake caused.

.

Yamato slips back into active duty as soon as his weight and mind scores peak over the acceptable line for active duty. Tsunade is still Hokage, though she spends longer and longer making sure her successor is up to scratch, and Yamato swerves between ANBU missions and the occasional Team Kakashi mission. They are few and far between now, admittedly, for mission organisation isn’t high on any priority list, and often missions that should get complete teams are broken up. Yamato finds himself working alone often, sometimes with a partner, and rarely with the complete team.

Well. As complete as it will be now that their team leader has other duties. 

Yamato isn’t alone for this mission, and surprisingly, it’s Naruto who he’s been paired with. He had thought Tsunade hadn’t wanted them together, seeing as they headed out every two or three weeks together anyway, but here they are, tasked with hunting down a group of renegades who thought stealing classified information on cell regeneration was a good idea.

Yamato doesn’t know why such things are written down anyway, for whoever wants the knowledge is bound to fuck things up, but that’s none of his business.

“Taichō,” Naruto says, almost whining, and Yamato nods, seconding the feeling.

“They’re idiots,” Yamato confirms, looking down at the group of three men huddled in an onsen. Instead of dropping off the goods, they’ve come to spend money they probably don’t have, leading them to a town on the outskirts of Konoha.

“They don’t even have the brains to leave the Fire Country,” Naruto mutters, and Yamato gives a huff of laughter.

“We need to find out who paid them for that information,” Yamato says, more to himself than Naruto. He’d like nothing more than to get rid of these idiots here and now, but there’s a higher mission, one Yamato needs to remind himself.

“Sai’s cooking tomorrow night,” Naruto pipes up suddenly, shifting until he’s right tucked up beside Yamato. His automatic response is to shift the tree they’re sitting in slightly, and then he figures he might as well go all out. Naruto grunts appreciatively as Yamato makes seats for them, altering the branch growth to cover their shifted position.

“He wanted me to ask if you wanted to come,” Naruto continues, bumping against Yamato’s arm again. He’s on the good side, the side people forget to stand on, and it’s caused Yamato a fair share of embarrassment as he’s had to turn, remind people that he can’t hear as well anymore, and while some take it well, some treat him as an inconvenience. He didn’t earn that particular battle wound heroically, after all.

“I’m not sure…” Yamato begins, drifting off. In truth, he’d love to taste Sai’s cooking. He’s been trying really hard lately, trying to learn from his team and friends how to be a decent human and fit in properly. He doesn’t want to be a ROOT brat anymore, and Yamato’s proud of him.

“Kakashi-sensei won’t be there,” Naruto says firmly, and Yamato can sense the disappointment in his voice. Yamato’s stomach eases up, and he nods, agreeing to go.

He wonders how it came to this. Once upon a time, Yamato couldn’t wait to spend time with Kakashi. Now, any prospect of seeing him and Yamato is off, either hiding at home (a house that Kakashi has no idea of the location or address) or running off into the forest, calming himself by gathering sage chakra. If the forest around Konoha is looking especially plush for this time of year, well Yamato will feign ignorance.

“He’s been weird lately,” Naruto continues, wrinkling his nose as the men below laugh obscenely. “Detached, unhappy… lonely.”

It’s not an accusation, because Naruto would be direct with such things. It’s a general comment, and Naruto has no reason to believe that Yamato could be behind Kakashi’s sudden mood dip. Maybe he isn’t, Yamato reckons, but it’s not a coincidence that Kakashi’s mood has dropped after Yamato refuses to see him.

“I wondered if he was upset about people,” Naruto says, looking at Yamato as if he thinks Yamato will agree, that Yamato holds the key. He does, just perhaps not in the way Naruto imagines. “He still sees Gai-sensei most days, so it can’t be that. I wondered if it was about Obito, but… maybe.”

Yamato looks down, a spike of guilt lacing through him. He remembers hauling Kakashi’s mistakes before him once, long ago, and he knows Kakashi will be hurting with the betrayal and loss of Uchiha Obito. It’s not his position, not anymore, and he touches a hand to the tree below him, closing his eyes for a moment, listening to the life all around him.

“I haven’t spoken to him since I left the hospital,” Yamato admits, and he looks around, just in time to see Naruto’s eyes widen, his lips parting. 

“I thought you were close,” Naruto says with a small voice, as if he’s trying to reassess the world. 

“We were,” Yamato says quickly, noticing the men below begin to make their way back inside. He wishes they’d been able to get a seed tracker on them, but with sage chakra between them, Yamato supposes that they’ll be covered tracking really.

“What changed?” Naruto persists.

Yamato has never wanted to have this conversation, even to himself. It’s not going to be easy, and he knows he shouldn’t be considering this on a mission, and yet this is Naruto. He’s become close to Naruto, understands him, and feels like Naruto is the only one who can understand him in return right now.

“I got captured,” Yamato starts, frowning. “No that’s not right. That doesn’t matter.” He pauses, fingers stroking the branch they’re on, shrugging. 

“I don’t know. I fought against the Allied forces. I killed hundreds of people by myself, bar a strange clone creature.” Yamato turns to Naruto. “I don’t know who I am anymore, and I need to do this without Kakashi. He’s been there every other step of the way, but I can’t… I can’t depend on him.”

Naruto tilts his head, humming to himself, mulling Yamato’s words over.

“You want to be able to come back whole,” Naruto surmises, and of course he’d find a way to sum up the jumble of Yamato’s emotions. “The war scattered you, pushed you further than you thought possible, and you have to figure out who it made you.”

“And Kakashi is the next Hokage,” Yamato adds, feeling it’s important. “I don’t know if it’s a good enough reason, but there it is.”

Naruto nods slowly, as if he understands completely. He’s become more perceptive since the war – even if he doesn’t understand things, he’ll pretend he does if it’s an appropriate moment. He’s always been a people person, but it’s calmer now, someone who listens as well as talks.

“It is what it is,” Naruto comments, and then he falls silent, in a pose Yamato recognises as one to collect sage chakra. He leaves Naruto to it, turning his eye to the onsen.

“Hey, Taichō,” Naruto says, nudging Yamato. “You should collect your chakra too. Even if you don’t want to fight with it, you could use it for surveillance. You should use it.”

He supposes it won’t hurt, and it’ll help him focus. Yamato begins meditating, and the world blossoms around him. He can feel the men they’re tracking, and another, a strange chakra that fills the pit of his stomach with unease.

“You can feel it?” Yamato asks, and Naruto hums low, an unhappy sound.

“There’s something wrong with their friend,” Naruto says hurriedly, standing and clenching his fist. He flickers for a moment, entire body glowing golden with Kurama’s chakra, and it’s amazing to see him fully formed. Yamato hasn’t seen it properly before. “We need to do something,” Naruto says, his eyes wide. 

Yamato is about to say they should wait when he feels the gathering of powerful chakra. He curses, nods to Naruto to follow, and manages to get a shield up as the entire onsen is blown apart, His wooden dome shelters them, though he is surprised when the dust settles a little and Naruto is still beside him.

“Do want to deal with this?” Naruto asks, and the question almost takes Yamato aback. He can’t think though, and he does want to do something, rather than sit back as he has been. He stands, and there’s no time to try and disperse his sage chakra. He’ll have to fight with it, and the thought doesn’t petrify him as much as it once did. This chakra is his power, a gift he alone carries now, and he doesn’t need to fear using it.

The mokuton springs forth, livelier than it ever has been, and if there’s ever been proof that sage chakra and his jutsu go hand in hand, it’s this. He secures crumbling buildings, knowing he’ll be back to fix them properly later, and faces their villain. He’s a brute of a man, hunched shoulders and a wide grin. He’s not had a healthy life, that’s for sure, and Yamato stands before him, watching as he slaps the back of a glove, something huge building between his hands, most likely another explosive.

It’s a second nature to move his hands together and create something, but Yamato’s thoughts are far from humanoid figures or dragons. He thinks of something else entirely, and a beast not too unlike the lions Sai uses, springing forward to pin the man down.

It’s easy after that, almost laughably so. Yamato seals the man’s hand in a knot of woodwork. It splinters with the explosion, but is contained, and the creature he created sits obediently, keeping the man in place as Yamato snakes wood to trap his arms and legs. It’s good, really, that this was so easy, but Yamato had been ANBU all of his life. He can’t help but itch for a decent fight, especially as his sage chakra still flushes through his system.

“Nice dog,” Naruto comments as he joins Yamato. Of course it’s a dog, Yamato thinks, what other animal would he think of first? 

“It’s hardly something out of the legends, but I think I’ll leave that sort of stuff to you,” Yamato replies, and he plants the dog in the ground, letting it thin until it’s a handful of saplings. The onsen owner can choose whether they want to keep them in the gardens or get rid of them, but once Yamato has created something with his sage chakra, he doesn’t want to waste it.

“That was easy,” Naruto sighs, hands linking behind his head. “It’s good, but…”

“But,” Yamato agrees, crouching down. His palm touches the floor and he gathers the very last of the sage chakra he has stored. He sends it into the damaged buildings, fortifying the remaining structures and reworking what he can. He’s had practice from the forests he’s nurturing, and the rebuild of Konoha of course, but it’s different this time. It’s almost easy, and Yamato rebuilds a handful of establishments in under a minute.

They leave with their new prisoner quietly, ignoring the outcry from the people they’re leaving behind. They want to thank Yamato, they say, and Naruto too. Naruto just turns his shoulder, looking up at the sky as it darkens, as Yamato politely declines, explaining they must get their prisoner back. They don’t listen when he says he doesn’t need thanks, of course. It takes them longer than they want, and their prisoner has tried to shuffle off at least five times, but they eventually make it out onto the road back to Konoha.

“I’m not tired,” Yamato says simply, and Naruto looks at him as if he’s lost his mind. Something eventually clicks, and Naruto clears his throat.

“Ah, I get it,” he says, chuckling. “That’s the beauty of it. You’re taking strength from nature itself – it’s an endless energy. I bet you could do some really cool stuff if you really wanted to, like the giant dragon thing.”

Yamato nods silently. He doesn’t want to do that, he just wants to create a forest, to fix the mess he made. That’s all he’s ever wanted, in truth, but it seems the world has little regard for what Yamato wants and what he actually ends up doing.

They hand their prisoner off when they get back to the village, and Naruto says he’ll check in for them. Maybe Kakashi will be there, Yamato thinks, and he thanks Naruto, glad to let someone else do the work for once. He needs to process and think about what fighting in sage mode means.

It wasn’t a fight though, not really, Yamato reasons, opening his door with his finger. He does have a proper key, but it’s not for him. Maybe he had it made with a particular person in mind, Yamato tries not to remember.

His house is still, quiet. It’s large for his needs, in honest, settled at the edge of the village. The garden is wild, Yamato’s waiting until most of it dies back to clear things properly, but nothing seems to be dying. Perhaps it’s because of his mokuton, he thinks, or perhaps it’s because their winter is unusually mild and the plants hardy. Either way, Yamato will need to sort it out soon, or risk becoming lost under the foliage.

It's nice to be in peace, Yamato thinks. He wonders what the rest of his team is up to – Naruto mentioned something about catching up with friends at Ichiraku Ramen, and he knows Sakura will be busy at the hospital this evening. She’s off tomorrow, and Yamato only knows this because she requested his help with something. He’s not sure what yet, but he couldn’t say no to her. Sai, well. He has no idea what Sai is up to, but Yamato bets he’ll be at Ichiraku with Naruto.

He has no desire to eat, so Yamato hurriedly munches a ration bar to make sure he gives his body what it needs, and then he moves to his bed, sinking under the sheets in just his underwear. He doesn’t close his eyes, mind whirring and too much energy flowing through him, and he stares up at the ceiling.

Is Kakashi sad? Yamato wishes he knew for sure. He thinks he’d be able to tell Kakashi’s mood from only just a glance, but a glance risks everything. He doesn’t want to speak to Kakashi, just wants to glimpse a look, see if he is okay. Yamato hopes he’s happy.

He’s a coward, deep down. Before he left the hospital, there was one person he’d been terrified of seeing. Yamato knows his reasons are petty – Kakashi probably doesn’t give a shit he was captured and used by the enemy. Kakashi probably doesn’t give a shit he’s now partially deaf and dabbling in senjutsu. Kakashi probably doesn’t give a shit about anything other than the fact they both survived, but something always stops Yamato. He can’t do it. He can’t see Kakashi, can’t accept that his on-again-off-again partner is heading somewhere he can’t follow.

Yamato scrunches his eyes up. Maybe that’s what all of this is about. Maybe he’s mastering sage chakra to keep up with Kakashi. Maybe he doesn’t want Kakashi to leave him now he’s going to be the Hokage. Maybe this is all a ridiculous cry for help and attention, and Yamato is just waiting for Kakashi to knock the door down, demand where he’s been and then kiss him passionately, just like all his porny romances.

Or maybe not. Maybe Yamato just wants to find himself. Maybe he wants something new, something salvaged, and maybe he needs to be alone to do this. Maybe he wants to fix the mess the war left inside of Yamato, heal what Sakura couldn’t inside his head, and then maybe he can return to Kakashi and show him how the world never got to him.

Who knows. Yamato sure as hell doesn’t, that’s for sure. All he knows is that he wants to continue building his forest. He wants to use his sage chakra, and that’s that.

He sits in the dark for a long while, waiting, listening.


	2. [sakura]

Sakura rushes inside with a whirl of perfume and a cool breeze. She is smiling, looking around Yamato’s house with keen eyes, and she turns to him.

“It’s such a beautiful house,” she says, and Yamato closes the door, nodding sheepishly.

“Since I was the architect, I could splash out,” he admits, and she hums to herself, running a hand over the doorframe. It is a beautiful house, and Yamato doesn’t think he’ll be moving from it any time soon. Perhaps houses can be his gift to his team when – if – they decide to marry and start families. 

“Do you want a drink?” he asks, and Sakura nods, settling down at the table. She plucks a magazine from her bag as Yamato moves to put tea on, and he returns curiously. It’s a local news gossip magazine, and she flicks it open to a certain page, turning it around so he can see, patting the article title with her finger.

“Kakashi-sensei’s inauguration’s finally been announced,” she says brightly, and Yamato commits the date to memory, planning on taking a quiet job that day. “I want to get him a gift, something from the entire team. Naruto and Sai are excluded for obvious reasons – their job is to collect a photo album anyway.” 

Sakura tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, pulling the magazine back. 

“I need your help. I know what Kakashi-sensei likes, but… I want something he loves.” She looks at Yamato then, and he wonders if she knows the nature of their relationship, that she’s about to proclaim that she’ll wrap Yamato up for Kakashi and be done with it. She doesn’t though, she just shakes her head.

“You’ve worked with him the longest, haven’t you? I was hoping you’d know him even better than us.” She sounds so hopeful, and Yamato leans an elbow on the table, covering his ear.

“That’s true,” he hums, mind whirring. He knows a thousand things he could get Kakashi, yet none at the same time.

“You know he’s still wearing his mask for his portrait fitting,” Sakura says, rolling her eyes as Yamato pours the tea. He quirks a brow, knowing full well that Kakashi would keep his mask on, and Sakura shrugs.

“I thought I’d at least get a glimpse, you know,” she says, patting the magazine cover. “It’s not fair.”

It’s an odd thought, and Yamato needs to check he’s understood correctly. 

“You’ve never seen Kakashi-san’s face?” he asks, and Sakura looks at him sharply, eyes widening.

“You have?” she turns back on him, and Yamato knows he’s made a mistake. He should never have asked, and Sakura knows it too. “You’ve seen Kakashi-sensei’s face?”

Yamato looks away. This is worse than the worst interrogation he’s faced from Ibiki, and he doesn’t know how to approach the situation. Sakura is smart, Sakura is cunning. She can put two and two together, and there’s no doubt she’ll find out that Kakashi and Yamato’s relationship has never just been just professional.

“I mean Naruto said Pakkun told him, but I never really believed him. Is he really as handsome as the rumours say?” Sakura leans forward, looking eager, and Yamato wonders if she’s ever entertained a crush on Kakashi. He wouldn’t blame her – that’s how this whole thing started for him anyway – but it feels a little odd to be talking about his (current? past? sometimes?) lover to Sakura.

“Well?” she demands, grinning. “Put the rumours to rest, please! I’ve always wondered.”

Yamato shifts, a small smile crossing his lips as he thinks of Kakashi’s face. He remembers running hands over stubble, frowning as Kakashi bumped their noses more than once, remembers laughing as the dogs crowded the bed. He remembers being happy in Kakashi’s arms, and his smile fades. Sakura is still waiting.

“Head-turning handsome,” Yamato admits, and Sakura sits back with a gleeful look. She looks like she’s just won a jackpot, and Yamato wonders if there were any bets on this.

“I knew it,” she says. “He’s got the air of someone who knows they’re good looking, but doesn’t make a fuss of it. And of course he’s in peak condition, powerful, smart, even comes with well-trained pets. Now he’s the Hokage, Kakashi-sensei pretty much has it all, and he’s single.” Sakura taps the magazine again, sighing.

Yamato remains still, though every instinct is screaming at him to run. He doesn’t want to deal with this, doesn’t want to have to face the fact that he doesn’t want Kakashi to be with someone else, but he can’t be with him yet. He sips his tea slowly, forcing himself to calm, and looks at Sakura, trying not to show how much he’s hating this conversation.

“I mean have you ever seen Kakashi-sensei with a woman? I’ve tried asking around, I wanted to get some photos of him and his girlfriend for the book, but I don’t think he has one. He doesn’t have one, right?” Yamato shakes his head, and Sakura continues, oblivious to Yamato’s thoughts. “He doesn’t have a personal life, not really, and I even snuck in with Sai-“ she breaks off, pressing her lips together.

“Please promise you won’t tell Kakashi-sensei,” she pleads, and Yamato’s curiosity gets the better of him. Plus, he can use this as a bargaining chip if he needs to. “We went to get him some spare clothes when he was in the hospital, Sai and I, and well.”

She looks uncomfortable, and Yamato knows she went digging through Kakashi’s things, whether she meant to or not. He can’t blame her, if Yamato had been in Sakura’s position, he probably would have done the same. Kakashi is a private person, even with those close to him, and Yamato has often wondered if there was something he could look at to help him understand Kakashi a little more.

“We found some reports, old ones that probably got lost, at the bottom of his wardrobe.” Sakura took her tea, sipping delicately. “Most of it were just mission statistics, from back in Kakashi-sensei’s ANBU days, but there was this one sheet of paper that seemed out of place, maybe it had slipped out or something.” Sakura trails off, and Yamato waits. She has more to say, and his stomach is clenched tightly, wondering what it could be.

“It talked about this clan, the Iburi clan? And someone named Kinoe, I guess they were a member of the clan.” Sakura continues, looking down at her magazine, and Yamato’s heart clenches, ice running through his veins. He hasn’t thought about the Iburi clan in a long while, and memories of crawling through a giant tree with Kakashi flood him. He remembers Yukimi too, a scared girl who just wanted to see the world, and Yamato knows they weren’t all that different back then.

“I looked it up, and there’s only one member of the clan recorded. Well, not including her husband and children, but they wouldn’t have been there when Kakashi-sensei was. And she wasn’t called Kinoe either, so…” Sakura frowns, and Yamato knows this is something she’s been trying to figure out for a while now. Though he’d never want another one, war is good for something. It keeps people busy, stops them meddling in personal affairs.

Not that he’s angry. Maybe he needs this, needs to talk to someone about his history with Kakashi before he can sort things out.

“So I figured maybe this Kinoe was someone else Kakashi-sensei lost. Like… he has pictures of his old team, but none of Kinoe. What makes Kinoe different? Love?” Sakura looks at Yamato, seeing confirmation. “Am I even close? I know it’s a long shot, but if I lost the one I loved, I don’t think I’d go around dating other people.”

Yamato can’t help it. He gives a slight huff of laughter and stands. 

“He does have a picture of Kinoe,” Yamato admits, and Sakura’s eyebrows shoot up. 

“You know Kinoe? Are they alive? Are they in a secret relationship with Kakashi-sensei?” She’s almost as bad as Naruto, Yamato thinks, and he stands up, heading to the bookshelf. He has a photo album, something he’s scrapped together where he can, considering he was supposed to be invisible. Not surprisingly, there are plenty of pictures with Kakashi, some more intimate than just work buddies, and he quickly skips over them, finding the photo he knows Kakashi keeps on his shelf by his Team Minato and Team 7 photos. 

“Here you go,” Yamato says as he returns to Sakura, and her mouth falls open, peering down. It’s a picture taken at the beginning of their ANBU career, both of them grinning outside the registration office. It was the day Yamato had officially transferred from ROOT.

“This is Kinoe?” she asks, looking up. “Kinoe’s a shrimp!”

Yamato is beginning to think this entire situation is ridiculous, and he runs a hand through his hair. It’s getting longer, almost too long for his tastes, and he finishes his tea.

“Well,” Yamato begins, but Sakura cuts across him, though she does shoot him an apologetic look.

“What happened to Kinoe? I know they’re young here, but that doesn’t mean Kakashi-sensei wasn’t in love,” Sakura says, and Yamato’s just thankful she hasn’t found the urge to turn the pages of the album.

“I guess you could say Kinoe died,” Yamato muses, and he knows Sakura will hate that answer. He wants to drag this out, though he has a feeling the truth will be inevitable.

“Died?” Sakura parrots, disappointment clouding her voice. “But…” she sighs. 

“The name at least,” Yamato lets up, and Sakura frowns, trying to work out what he means. Yamato gives her a moment, refilling their tea, and then decides to help her out.

“Kinoe was the name Danzō gave to me when I was taken in by ROOT,” Yamato says, and there is silence. Sakura’s mouth opens slightly, and she closes it, humming to herself. She looks down at the photo again, silent for a moment.

“I don’t know where to start with that,” she admits, and Yamato appreciates her honesty. “You’ve known Kakashi-sensei that long?” 

Yamato nods, glancing at the magazine cover. Kakashi takes up most of the spread, and he looks tired.

“And you were called Kinoe,” Sakura says slowly, “when you were in ROOT.”

He nods again, and decides that he doesn’t just have to talk when questioned. Yamato is allowed to talk now, even more than he ever could have thanks to Danzō’s death.

“For various reasons,” it’s really a specific reason, but Sakura doesn’t need to hear about that part, “I entered ROOT when I was a young child. Danzō effectively raised me and, well. Kakashi-san and I met on a mission, he was curious about my mokuton, and we just kept bumping into each other, really.”

Sakura presses her lips together, looking as if she’s stopping herself from saying something. Part of Yamato wants to know, but he thinks it might also be something terrifying. She looks down, clearly deciding on saying something else.

“How come you’re not emotionless and fucked up?” Sakura states plainly. “I mean I love Sai, but we all know he’s still getting over being fucked up by ROOT. He still flinches every time someone mentions ROOT because he thinks his seal’s going to act up.”

Her eyes flicker to Yamato’s mouth. “Did you have a seal?”

Nodding, Yamato carries on talking, as if Sakura had never interrupted.

“Kakashi-san’s the reason I transferred. He showed me that what Danzō wanted wasn’t always right, and he got me out. We worked together in the ANBU after that, for a long while.” It’s strangely nice to be able to talk about this, and it feels good to be satisfying Sakura’s curiosity.

“That’s…” Sakura trails off, looking down at the magazine again. “I always knew we didn’t know much about Kakashi-sensei’s personal life, but this is something huge. I guess we know even less about him than we ever thought.”

“You know the important stuff,” Yamato cuts in, not liking where this could be headed. “You, and the rest of the team, are his precious people. You know that,” he reminds her, and Sakura nods, looking up with narrowed eyes.

“You mean our team, right? You’re included as one of Kakashi’s precious people, or else he wouldn’t have put you in charge of Team Kakashi.” Sakura looks at him pointedly, and Yamato runs a hand through his hair again, sitting back a little.

It’s true, he is technically in charge of the team while Kakashi is… well. He supposes he’s to be in charge permanently now that Kakashi will officially be Hokage. It’s just like the dream he had on the battlefield, but there is a huge hole, something missing. Yamato know what it is, but he’s still not ready.

“Yeah,” he agrees, hoping Sakura will settle for that answer. She doesn’t, and Yamato thinks the war changed her too, made her less agreeable. It’s not a bad thing, aside from when it’s used on him.

“I’m going to make some assumptions that I’m not sure are false. I’m going to keep talking, then you can talk, and then we’ll get out of this house and go shopping. We’ll have lunch, maybe see if Naruto and Sai want to join us.” Sakura speaks slowly, as if she’s trying not to scare Yamato off, and he’s on red alert in an instant. 

“Sakura-“ he begins, but Sakura cuts him off, taping a finger on the table once.

“I’m going to keep talking, then you can talk,” she says simply, and Yamato thinks that healing isn’t the only thing she’s learnt from Tsunade.

“Right,” she begins, smiling and taking her hand back to her lap. “See, I think you’re a very important person to Kakashi-sensei, and that he’s a very important person to you. You two have been friends for most of your lives, helped each other through life or death situations all that time and… well. I’ll be blunt.”

Yamato waited as Sakura took a deep breath.

“You have to know who Kakashi-sensei’s seeing,” she blurts out, and Yamato falters. He frowns, opening his mouth to speak, and his stomach drops as Sakura smiles. “I’m not an idiot, that’s something Naruto would say. It has to be you.”

She’s right, of course she is. Yamato is thrown off guard, and he knows his expression reveals all. She’s sneaky, cunning, and he sighs, giving the game up. 

“Fine. We’ve been on and off for years.” Sakura nods, and she looks concerned, not a look Yamato is expecting. He thought she’d be happy, running out the door to tell the rest of the team gleefully, but she doesn’t. She just sits there, looking at him silently. 

Yamato waits. That’s what he always does anyway.

“Yamato-taichō,” Sakura begins, pausing. She turns the magazine over, sighing. “What happened between you two? Not in general, I mean after the war. I don’t think I’ve seen you two together since then, and you always used to make time for each other. There was always an excuse or extra thing you guys needed to do, or you’d just make sure we all had dinner together. I never really thought about it then, but looking back now, it’s pretty obvious you two had something.”

Yamato’s tea is cold, but he drinks it anyway, looking for some kind of distraction. Sakura is silent, and he realises he needs to speak. Can he do it? Is it time? He has no idea. Maybe this is what he needs, maybe it’ll make things worse, but… it had to be better than just waiting.

“It’s my fault,” Yamato admits, because it is. He’s the one who asked the doctors not to allow Kakashi to visit him, pretending that no visitors were allowed. He’s the one who ignored Kakashi’s note saying he could take him home, ignored other notes that were passed along in mission statements, and avoided seeing him at every turn. This is all his fault, and Kakashi hasn’t even done anything wrong.

He tells Sakura that, and instead of her blaming him, she just shrugs.

“Yeah, well. Sometimes we do these things not for any particular reason. Not everything is clear all the time, Yamato-taichō. You can’t expect there always to be an explanation for how you feel and behave.” She closes her mouth quickly, flushing at little at her tone. “What I mean is, he won’t care about that. Kakashi-sensei… you know him better than I do, so tell me this. Will he care? If you went to him right now and talked, would he care?”

Yamato knows the answer, and Sakura nods her head, satisfied.

“Then you’re the best person to ask what he’d like as a gift,” she says simply, and just like that the conversation is done.

Yamato blinks. He’d expected an interrogation, an argument even. He was steeling himself to defend his actions, to explain somehow why he’s wanted the space, but Sakura doesn’t want any of that. She raises an eyebrow, and Yamato nods slowly, understanding. She considers both Kakashi and Yamato precious to her, and she knows they have to work things out themselves. She’s not there to judge, only to support, and Yamato thinks he can help find something nice for Kakashi.

They head out, Sakura filling him in on village gossip. He learns what all of her former classmates are up to, and he nods along, glad that the younger generation are recovering, even if it’s a slow process. He wants to ask her about Sasuke, but Yamato isn’t sure she’ll appreciate that. 

“How are you holding up,” he says anyway. Sakura has been there for him, so Yamato needs to be there for her. They are a team, and they must always look out for each other. 

She looks at him, hands trailing over some clothes on a rack close to them. 

“I don’t know,” she admits, picking out a blouse and looking at the price. She puts it back quickly, nodding to the exit. This shop is clearly a cut above what they can afford, and Yamato slowly steers them down one of the side streets. There’s a few shops down here he knows Sakura will like.

“I mean, Sasuke’s gone. We don’t need to chase after him anymore, and…” she bites her lip. “I spoke to Naruto about it and he feels the same. We completed our goal, so what’s next? We got through to Sasuke, so what do we do now?”

It’s a rhetorical question, something which Yamato is thankful for. He has no idea himself. 

“I’m glad he’s healing,” Sakura continues. “I just wish he was here, that’s all. Though I suppose now’s a good time to figure out what’s going on in my life, so maybe I should do that.”

She laughs weakly, and Yamato joins in.

“Well if you ever work things out, let me know your secret? I don’t think it gets any better with age,” Yamato says, and Sakura rolls her eyes.

“Vote of confidence right there,” she comments, and Yamato comes to a stop, smiling lightly when Sakura sees the shop. It’s a small shop, one full of fancies and plants, and it’s Yamato’s favourite.

“The plants aren’t as colourful as the Yamanaka’s, but they have healing properties. I tend to buy from here a lot, the planters are beautiful if not anything else, and I figured you might see something you like.” Yamato heads in first, nodding to the shopkeeper. Sakura follows, eyes scouring the shelves as she notices all the artefacts, crystals, plants, everything. Every inch of the shop is filled to the brim, and she is lost in her own world.

The shop is an odd one. The shopkeeper once explained it to him, that a person is drawn to buy what they need, and he’d never believed it, until he’d come in after a particularly bad mission. He’d bought a book, a simple thing on architecture, and Yamato’s collection has expanded rapidly since then.

Sakura browses, and Yamato waits, watching her. He thinks about their conversation earlier, and wonders what he’ll do.

“This is it!” Sakura says, and Yamato walks over. It’s a vase, big enough for a small bunch of flowers, and painted with swirling greens and blues. It is beautiful, but Yamato doesn’t quite get it.

“A vase?” he asks, and Sakura nods gleefully.

“A vase for flowers. A vase for flowers we will give him, all of us. Flowers die, so we’ll have to keep on giving them to him, all of us together.” Sakura looks so proud of her idea, and Yamato thinks it is lovely. It ensures they’ll always come together, a promise that no matter what, they’ll always be Team Kakashi. It’s perfect, and Sakura didn’t even need him.

Yamato halves the payment, and they leave the shop, stepping out in the afternoon sun. 

“I’ll get in touch about a date when we can all meet up and give it to Kakashi-sensei. I’d like you to be there, okay?” Yamato nods, knowing that he’ll have to suck it up and accept it. He needs to see Kakashi at some point, it would be best if it happens around other people.

“Now, I’m going to get lunch if you wanted to come. It won’t be anything fancy, but I’m starving.” 

Lunch is nice, and Yamato heads home feeling warm. They’d met up with Naruto and Sai, as Sakura had predicted, and while Yamato had been aware that Kakashi wasn’t there, it wasn’t terrible. His team love him, and he loves them. He belongs with them, and now he’s settled that, perhaps Yamato can address his Kakashi situation.

He doesn’t think about it for a while, opting to read up on some modern architecture techniques he’s been meaning to for some time. He then takes a bath and eats dinner, and it’s only then that he sees the magazine on the table still.

Yamato flicks through it curiously, speeding up when he hits the Rokudaime Hokage special. He’ll go back to it, of course he will, but he doesn’t want to look at Kakashi’s face while he’s eating his miso soup. He absorbs gossip about film stars and the hottest novels, but his heart isn’t really in it. There’s only one article Yamato wants to read, and he abandons washing up to take the magazine to his bedroom, ducking under the covers as he opens the magazine.

Seeing Kakashi properly sends sparks through Yamato’s body. He wishes he could see under the mask, or even his entire body not covered with writing. Such is the price of avoidance, Yamato thinks, and he read the article, noting with amusement that it is such a Kakashi interview. He barely gives up anything, coming off non-committal to most things, and he wonders how the general public will think of their Hokage.

Who is he kidding, they’ll all love Kakashi. Everyone already does, or at least respects him a ridiculous amount, and Yamato doesn’t know if he belongs in his life. 

“It’s not my decision,” Yamato whispers, trying to convince himself. He needs to stop thinking he’s the only one in their relationship. Kakashi is a valid human being too, and no matter what shit Yamato is going through, he needs to remember Kakashi has no idea.

How could he? He didn’t go through what Yamato did in the war. He hasn’t been there since that time, all because Yamato pushed him away. He doesn’t know anything about Yamato, all because Yamato’s the one who’s stopped him. 

He’s tired of this, tired of falling asleep to scant memories. If he’s allowing himself to be honest, Yamato misses Kakashi so much. So why hasn’t he been to see him yet?

In truth, Yamato doesn’t know. It’s easier not to deal with that part of his life and continue avoiding Kakashi. It’s easier to hide and run than accept that Yamato needs to own up about his shortcomings. It’s easier to not think about the future, about how Kakashi is the Hokage and Yamato is a sage, and just get on with doing.

It needs to stop, though, Yamato knows this. And it will, he’ll do it soon.

The magazine lays open as Yamato drifts off to sleep, Kakashi’s picture next to him. It’s hardly a decent substitute, but it’s something. At least it’ll be the first think Yamato sees when he wakes up, even if it’s not the real deal.

.

He doesn’t mean for it to happen, though Yamato supposes he and Naruto have become a little carefree and reckless. Still, when Naruto suggests they start brightening up the village, Yamato is eager to agree. Yamato will supply the trees, and Naruto will make them grow using Kurama’s chakra. They practiced it out far from Konoha, and while they have to watch the whole Naruto glowing thing, it works. 

“We can do the bit by the playground first,” Naruto suggests, and Yamato nods. He knows that area, and remembers a similar playground from ages ago. The one now is desolate and the one or two spindly saplings could use some company and love. It’s a great idea.

They make quick work of it, and Yamato doesn’t even need to use his sage chakra. He does anyway, because it’s a nice night, they’re safe inside the village, and he’s wondered what the village feels like in this mode, when he’s in the middle of it all. Life pours into Yamato, and he glances at Naruto, who is smiling.

“It’s amazing isn’t it?” Naruto says quietly, crouching down to pat the ground where one of the saplings stands. “I like to meditate sometimes, just so I can feel the entire village. If you focus, you can even pick people out,” Naruto says proudly, and Yamato is glad he’s the teacher here. He wants Yamato to enjoy sage mode as much as he does, and takes care to explain everything. It’s probably because he’s had to work it out slowly, and Yamato could have worked most of it out, but it’s nice to share this with someone.

They get started, Yamato sending his chakra through the ground. He marks out the area he wants to grow, and nods to Naruto, who stands behind him. He places his hands on Yamato’s back, and then they are fusing their chakra, working it into something amazing. 

In an instant, trees burst from the ground, growing thick and tall. There are many varieties, some evergreens, some fruit – Yamato doesn’t have much control over what he grows at the moment, though he tried to make them attractive for the children. He smiles, and Naruto moves to look at one of the trees, patting its trunk.

“How cool is this!” he says cheerfully, and Yamato has to agree. He takes one step towards the tree, and then he feels something, someone.

It’s just a tremor, but it’s enough. Naruto is still talking, unaware of Yamato’s sudden panic. He fights to let go of his sage chakra, channelling it into the trees, and Naruto’s exclamation sounds out loud in the darkness.

“Taichō,” he says, and Yamato only looks up when he knows he’s exhausted his sage chakra. His shoulders droop as he sees what he’s done, and shakes his head.

“I had to get rid of my sage mode,” he explains weakly, and Naruto looks at him with wide eyes. 

What Yamato’s done isn’t anything terrible, but the sight of beautiful, flowering blossoms is going to be noticed. The trees themselves, well people would have wondered, probably connected to Yamato, but eventually forgotten. Trees that blossomed in winter, however? Those were the kind of trees that got Yamato into trouble, the kind of trees that made people wonder what kind of power Yamato was using. He’s never made a tree blossom out of season – or at all actually – and he knows that someone will wonder how he’s done it.

“I felt… someone noticed me,” Yamato explains, and Naruto comes to his side, confused.

“They won’t know you though?” Naruto wonders, and Yamato looks at him. 

“It was Kakashi-san,” he explains, and Naruto nods slowly, still frowning as he looks back at the trees. 

“Sakura-chan told me about things,” Naruto says. Yamato had already given Sakura permission to tell Naruto and Sai, so he’s not surprised. What does surprise him, actually, is the fact that Naruto’s waited this long to talk about it with him. It’s been a few days since Sakura found out.

“She said she doesn’t understand why you two are not talking or whatever, but I think I do.” Naruto tilts his head, gesturing around them. “All of this… it’s a lot to take in. We’ve all been through a lot and we’re still getting there. There’s too much to deal with, and in a perfect world we’d all talk about stuff and sort things out, be there for people and that, but it’s scary.”

Yamato nods. 

“I don’t want to think about what I’m going to do in the future. I don’t know if I can help fix the world, I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone to share my life with, I don’t even know what I’ll have for dinner tonight,” Naruto says, chuckling. “If I was in your position, I’d do the same.”

Yamato doesn’t like that answer, and he knows Naruto knows that. Perhaps that’s why he’s said it, to make Yamato realise, and he reaches up to rub his ear.

“I need to stop stalling, don’t I,” Yamato comments, and Naruto nods slowly.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “And I don’t think you’ll have much of a choice if he sensed you. You’ll probably be able to get away with hiding your sage knowledge if you want, but Kakashi-sensei won’t let go without a fight.”

Yamato smiles, knowing that very well. His hand slips from his ear, and he ruffles Naruto’s hair.

“You’re getting too wise,” he says, and Naruto grins at him. He’s growing, maturing as he sees that not everything can be fixed by raw power alone, and Yamato is proud of his growth. “I’ll see you at Sai’s tomorrow?” 

Naruto nods, wishes him luck, and then Yamato is heading home. He feels a prickle at the back of his neck, and he knows it won’t be long until he has a visitor. It’s not what he wants, but he has no other choice. It’s a good thing, really. It’s more than about time this happened, and Yamato waits outside his house.

He doesn’t need to wait long. He can sense Kakashi the moment he turns onto his street, and he walks to Yamato’s house slowly. The moon barely throws shadows on him, and Yamato’s heart beats heavily against his ribcage as he sees Kakashi’s silhouette near him.

“Come in,” Yamato says, leaving the door open for Kakashi to follow through. He enters slowly, and Yamato flicks the lights on, keeping his back to Kakashi. He has a weakness, and he’s always been taught to avoid his weakness. If he looks at Kakashi, Yamato has no idea what will happen.

“I didn’t think you’d be awake this late,” Kakashi leads with, and Yamato had forgotten how much he loves Kakashi’s voice. He sounds a little edgy, trying to keep calm, and Yamato realises he’s as torn up as he is. 

“Naruto and I have formed a vigilante group,” Yamato says light-heartedly, turning. He stalls when he realises he’s turned his deaf ear to Kakashi, and he can’t think of anything else to say. He doesn’t want to turn away, and the only other option is to turn properly.

He does it slowly, placing one foot down and twisting. He doesn’t look at Kakashi directly, not at first, but his eyes trail up hurriedly, and Yamato’s breath catches in his chest when he meets Kakashi’s gaze. 

Yamato wants to explain everything. He wants to tell Kakashi how broken he’s been since the war, how he’s falling apart and there’s only fixing the land that’s keeping him together. He wants to talk about how much information he gave up, regardless of whether it was willing or not, and wants to beg Kakashi’s forgiveness for not having his back. He wants Kakashi to forgive him for not being there, for attacking their side, for not doing something other than making everything worse.

He can’t speak though. His voice is lost, and Kakashi just stands there, looking tired and defeated.

“We grow trees,” Yamato eventually says, his voice something pitiful and weak. 

Kakashi moves towards him, still silent, and Yamato is as solid as a tree. Even if he wanted to move, he wouldn’t be able to, and he’s helpless until Kakashi stands before him. He feels sad, Yamato thinks, and he itches to reach out, to wrap his arms around Kakashi. Does he have that right anymore? It’s been months since they were together, months since the war ended.

“I don’t care,” Kakashi whispers, and he drops his head until it hits Yamato’s shoulder. His shoulders stoop, and Yamato does wrap his arms around Kakashi’s back, eyes wide. He doesn’t know what’s happening, but Kakashi is here, Kakashi needs him, and that’s what matters.

“I just,” Kakashi begins, and it’s so strange to hear him like this. He’s indecisive, unsure, and Yamato doesn’t think he can remember a time when they were like this. “I just want tonight. If you think we can have that then… just that.”

He isn’t demanding, isn’t calling for Yamato to explain himself or wanting to talk things over. Kakashi wants something from Yamato, and it doesn’t involve delving deeper into what’s been going on the past months. This is something for tonight only, and Yamato thinks he can do that.

He brings Kakashi’s head up, searching his eyes. He wants to know that this is really what Kakashi wants, and he nods. 

“Come on then,” Yamato says, and he pulls Kakashi into his bedroom, heart still hammering in his chest.

He has no idea what will happen in the morning. He has no idea if this is the start of a recovery or if Kakashi will be gone forever in the morning. This is something they both need though, and it’s the longest they’ve gone without being there, in any sense, for each other. Yamato pulls Kakashi close as he shuts the door, letting thoughts slip from his mind, just as Kakashi fills it.

Yamato can handle this for one night. Everything will be fine.


	3. [sai]

Yamato wants to say it goes like this. He wants to say he stays up all night after they have sex worrying about the morning. He wants to say Kakashi leaves after it. He wants to say that the night changes everything.

It does nothing of the sort.

Sleep comes easily for the both of them, and maybe that’s because they’re used to each other, because neither of them has had sex in a while, or maybe it’s because they’re ninja and trained to sleep when they can. Whatever the reason, it’s well past dawn when Yamato wakes, and he shifts, knocking against a lightly snoring Kakashi. 

Yamato turns his head and looks at Kakashi, yawns, and then decides he can do with a little more sleep. It’s achingly familiar, and while the pit of worry in his stomach is still there, it doesn’t actually matter right now. True to his words, Kakashi didn’t talk much, didn’t ask what Yamato’s been up to, hadn’t pushed for anything. It would seem as though he doesn’t care, except Kakashi has never not cared.

Kakashi jerks suddenly, mumbling to himself as he sits up. The covers expose Yamato’s shoulders as Kakashi moves, and he frowns. He’s not ready to let this go, and when he wakes properly, he’ll have to.

“Would it be weird if I started coming to Sai’s dinners?” Kakashi asks suddenly, voice still thick with sleep. Yamato opens one eye, rolling onto his back. Kakashi’s not looking at him, rubbing a hand over the stubble on his chin, and Yamato lets his eyes trail over the curve of Kakashi’s back. It’s an odd thought to have missed something like a person’s shoulders, but Yamato has missed Kakashi’s. He’s missed all of Kakashi.

“Why would it be weird?” he replies, though Yamato isn’t sure if he’s expected to be at the dinner the same day as Kakashi. That might be weird, he thinks.

“I don’t want to push, you know,” Kakashi says quietly, and Yamato has no idea what he means. Which isn’t a first, but it’s rare these days. 

“Yeah,” Yamato mutters, and he stretches his legs under the cover, closing his eyes again. He doesn’t need to understand. “I mean no, it wouldn’t be weird.”

It’s a lie, and he can tell Kakashi is dissatisfied. But it’s their team, their team dinners, and Yamato won’t stop Kakashi going if he wants. He hears Kakashi sigh, and then the bed shifts. Kakashi is gone, walking naked to the bathroom, and Yamato buries his head in his hands, scrunching his eyes closed tightly. He’s tired of fucking things up, but that seems to be all he can do lately.

He doesn’t see Kakashi until he’s leaving. Yamato’s busy in the kitchen, staring out of the window as he contemplates what he has in for breakfast, and what he’s going to do today. He’s supposed to be meeting with Naruto later, to actually help train him in strategy techniques, and as that will be one massive headache, Yamato wants to take it easy until then. Before, he probably would simply have pulled Kakashi back to bed with a grin, and Yamato feels a twinge in his chest as he comes to terms with the fact that won’t be happening.

Kakashi walks in, pauses, and half-turns towards the door. He’s as stiff as a board, as if he has no idea how to react around Yamato. 

“Look,” Yamato admits quietly, “I just need some time. Then I promise I’ll… you know,” he says, and Kakashi glances at him, away, and then at him again. He’s as jittery as Yamato is, and Yamato wishes he could be a better person that he is, the kind of person who’d be able to ask Kakashi what is wrong. He can’t do that now though, and Yamato waits for Kakashi’s reply, heart in mouth.

“I trust you,” is all he says, and he walks out of the door, off to his life again.

It feels surprisingly shittier than Yamato thought it would, but he doesn’t feel like running after Kakashi. In truth he never has run after Kakashi – he’s never needed to. Even now, there’s an understanding, and Yamato closes his eyes in relief. Despite the way he’s acting, despite how he’s treating Kakashi right now, he still trusts Yamato, and that is a feeling nothing, not even sage chakra, can replace.

Yamato spends the day lurking inside of his house, tending to his potted plants and hovering around the bed. Part of him wants to change the sheets, to rid the house of Kakashi, and the other is just about building a shrine to worship him (again). Some things never change, and Yamato decides to leave them. 

“What did Kakashi-sensei want? Are you guys back together? Are you going to be the Hokage’s husband? Everyone’s talking about the trees you know, they love them, say they’re a gift from the gods,” Naruto blurts out as he enters, late afternoon sun framing him, take-away ramen in a bag and a grin on his face. Yamato raises an eyebrow, directs Naruto to the table of paperwork he’s set up, and Naruto deflates.

“Pleasure first then business?” he pleads, and Yamato nods, rolling his eyes. 

“I’m not discussing Kakashi-san,” he states clearly, and Naruto’s mouth opens to protest. “You’re not to interfere, okay? We’re getting there, just slowly. I’m getting there.”

Yamato rubs his ear, and Naruto narrows his eyes.

“Not even to say he asked Sai when the next dinner is?” Naruto says eagerly, and Yamato fixes him a stern stare. “But he’s never asked before! We’re all in agreement that something changed.”

Did one night really change something? It hasn’t for Yamato, not really, and he knows he did something ridiculously selfish. He knows Kakashi needs him, but he’s only focused on himself, taking away Kakashi’s team too.

“Maybe,” he concedes, and then looks down to the papers before them. “You can eat your ramen while we do this, they’re only copies so feel free to ruin them,” Yamato says humourlessly, a cold feeling growing in his belly.

Once Naruto has left, and it takes a while to get rid of him, he can sense that Yamato isn’t okay, Yamato sits down on the floor by his front door, knees drawn to his chest and stare focused on the ground. He wants to think about nothing for a while, and his mind allows him for a short while. 

“What am I doing,” Yamato mutters to himself, letting his head sink back against the wooden door as he closes his eyes. The past 24 hours have been nothing but a blur, a strangely emotionless one for everything he’s been through. Yamato would have expected to feel more by now, but he’s emptier than he’s ever been after seeing Kakashi, and that scares him.

Without a doubt, Yamato loves Kakashi. And yet, for whatever reason, seeing Kakashi last night changed nothing. He doesn’t know if he’s reached some sort of turning point right now, or whether he’s generally losing grip on his feelings, but all he wants to do is stay here, rooted. 

Before he has time to think more, there is a knock on the door. Yamato frowns, standing slowly. His knees click and he grimaces, rubbing the side of his jaw as he checks who is outside. It’s not that it’s particularly late – it’s still light outside – but Yamato hardly gets visitors. It seems, he thinks as he pulls back, opening the door, that his entire team are determined to see him in the space of a day.

“Yamato-taichō,” Sakura greets with a smile. “We thought you might want some company.”

Sakura, flanked by a smug looking Naruto and a good-natured, smiling Sai, walks in as Yamato steps aside. He feels warmth curl in his chest, though he keeps expecting Kakashi to join them at any moment. It’s a strange scene, for he’s never had them all at his house at one time, and Yamato finds himself enjoying it.

“Right so,” Sakura says, and Sai pulls something from the bag he’s carrying. “We’re making the photo album and all of us have taken our turn for adding photos, so now it’s yours.”

Sakura smiles, Sai sets the photo album on the table, and Naruto is busy looking through the bookshelves, clearly trying to find Yamato’s album before he can try and control what they see. Yamato has a moment of panic, for there are a few incriminating photos of his and Kakashi’s relationship (nothing dodgy, but there are a few pictures of Kakashi unmasked and the two of them very close), and it passes when he realises that his team know. They know and they don’t mind.

“I need to take a few of Kakashi-san’s face out,” Yamato says as Naruto leaps on one of the albums, gleefully trying to peek as Yamato takes it from his hands. “Then it’s all yours.”

There are five photos in total, and Yamato takes them out in the bedroom, leaving them on top of the covers. He’ll sort them out later, he thinks, and hands the book back to Naruto once he’s closed the bedroom door.

Making tea and providing snacks, Yamato watches over his team as they flick through his life with Kakashi, talking them through backstories and laughing as they tell him their own stories. He likes this, Yamato thinks, but there is one person missing, and while none of them are admitting it, his absence is clear. 

“So Kakashi-sensei was your ANBU captain?” Sakura asks, holding a photo Naruto chose for Kakashi’s present. 

“He was,” Yamato agrees. “It was a good team, and we were sad to lose Kakashi. But, in the end, it did him a world of good, and that’s what matters.”

Sakura nods, and Sai asks about another photo, to which Yamato is happy to talk about. There are very few photos in this album that aren’t just him and Kakashi, and Yamato is finding it easier to look at his face every time the page is turned. Is it healing? Yamato has no idea. 

“But then he just whacks this porno out,” Sakura is saying, a little later, and Naruto snorts, knowing exactly what the porno is, “and says for us to come get him, basically. And of course, we all think we’re the shit, but we had absolutely nothing on him. I look back and cringe now,” she says with a laugh, bumping into both Naruto and Sai. They’re all squished onto Yamato’s smaller sofa, looking as happy as can be tucked against each other, and Yamato knows this is his family.

Everything slows, and Sakura’s story about the first time they faced Kakashi bleeds away. This is his family, Yamato realises, and he realises it properly for the first time. These people, these three individuals, decided to come to his house because they knew he hasn’t been okay lately. They took it upon themselves to take time out of their lives to come and be with him.

Even after everything he’s done, after everything he’s become, Yamato has people who care about him. Even after the war.

“When is your next dinner?” Yamato asks Sai, when there is a pause in the story. Sai looks surprised for a moment, clearly listening closely to Sakura’s story, and he glances at the others before he speaks.

“In a couple of nights,” Sai says, and Yamato nods. He can start making amends, he thinks.

“I think it would be nice if all of us went,” Yamato says, and pauses as they all look at him. Naruto is definitely not understanding what he means, and the other two look unsure, so Yamato clarifies. “I mean if both Kakashi-san and I were there, and you three as well.” Nerves flutter in his stomach, but this is something that needs to be done. Yamato can’t hide forever, and it’s time he thought about Kakashi for once.

“Oh,” Sai says. “In that case it’s tomorrow night, I’ve-“

Sakura pushes him gently, hissing Sai’s name. Instantly, Yamato wonders what is going on, but he has no idea. Sai’s eyes widen, he looks down, then he’s smiling at Yamato, all fake and pretend, and Yamato wonders what triggered that reaction. He doesn’t push though, not when Sai’s already asking about dinner preferences and timings, but it’s something that stays in the back of Yamato’s mind, along with all the other weird shit he needs to process.

His team trickle out when it gets late, the moon high in the sky. It’s a full moon tonight, and Yamato’s glad to see he isn’t the only one taken aback by it. The moment they all clock the moon, all four of them duck slightly, as if that will save them. There’s a nervous titter when they realise their reaction, and the trio shuffle off, Yamato watching until they’re out of sight, still uneasy in the moonlight.

He saves cleaning up until the morning, strangely content with how his home looks. Cups and plates are strewn everywhere, photos pulled from the album and cushions are hanging off the sofa. It looks lived in, reminds Yamato that he isn’t alone, no matter what, and he pads to the bedroom, pausing when he sets eyes on the photos he took out earlier.

He really hasn’t been fair to Kakashi. If Yamato is struggling with recognising himself after the war, there’s no doubt Kakashi is too. While he’s been busy trying to grapple with his new powers and replanting the land he destroyed, Kakashi’s had pressure piled onto his shoulders. Becoming the Rokudaime isn’t easy, especially in the wake of a war.

Yamato doesn’t think he’ll ever be healed. Going through what he did, doing what he did, is not something Yamato thinks he can recover fully from. He can become content with himself, however, and no matter how long that takes, Yamato is certain that it’ll happen one day. 

He has no idea when that day will be, though, and Yamato is just lying to himself if he thinks he can put off seeing Kakashi again. He can’t keep everyone at arm’s length, nor does he want to. His team are wheedling their way in, and his family will never be complete without Kakashi there too.

The first photo Yamato picks up is one of Kakashi and his dogs, back in Yamato’s shitty first apartment away from ROOT. It was tiny, the dogs had just wanted to run about investigating, and Kakashi had been busy writing a report. It had been chaos, but it had been fun, and they’d played games all night, too young to recognise what was between them or even wonder where they’d be in 10 years’ time. 

The second photo is the most recent, a photo Kakashi took before Yamato left with Naruto for Kumo. It’s just the two of them, parts of their faces cut out of the shot, and they’re both smiling. Yamato’s kissing Kakashi’s cheek, and he remembers being so, so happy that evening. There hadn’t been a particular reason, but just being able to see Kakashi had been enough. Yamato’s missed that, and he looks at the side of the bed Kakashi slept in last night, biting the inside of his cheek. 

He wasted an opportunity last night, Yamato thinks. He won’t make that mistake again.

Sweeping the other photos up, Yamato sets them on the bedside table. He undresses quickly, silently, and slips into bed. He feels good, like he’s had a productive day, and Yamato wants tomorrow to be even better.

.

“Would it be worth trying to get an aerial view?” Sai asks, and Yamato considers, looking around their area. 

“It you can do it discreetly,” he comments, and Sai looks around, shaking his head.

“There’s not enough cover, we’ll have to hope he heads towards a forest if we want to stay unnoticed.” It’s a shame, but just something that comes with the missions where they have to keep track of various known criminals. It was Tsunade who gave them this mission – a direct request from the daimyo – and Yamato thinks it’s the best waste of time he’s had in weeks. Which translates to it being ridiculously boring, but hey at least he has good company.

“Alright then,” Yamato says, and they start moving slowly. Their target has a tracking seed on them, so this bit’s all on Yamato. Sai’s covering him until they can use an aerial jutsu, his mice making sure their target doesn’t suddenly vanish on them. “Are we still on for tonight?”

Sai nods, his expression softening. It really is remarkable how much he’s changed since leaving ROOT, and it makes Yamato happy. He’s not the only one who survived ROOT, and he hopes that others will be able to make the transition too.

“Everyone’s coming,” Sai replies, unable to keep the genuine happiness from his voice. “It will be nice to have everyone, and if we’re all together, I won’t have to cook the same thing twice.”

Yamato looks at him, frowning. He remembers Sakura pushing Sai the night before, and things start to slot into place.

“Twice?” he asks, and Sai looks at him blankly, as if deciding whether to be honest or keep hiding this truth.

“Sakura doesn’t want me telling you this,” he begins, and Yamato’s stomach twists. “We’ve been having dinner with both you and Kakashi-san, just on different days. It wasn’t like that from the start, but then we figured you both needed time.”

Yamato makes a low hum sound in the back of his throat. Sai shoots him a guilty look, and opens his mouth to apologise or make amends or… something. Yamato cuts him off hurriedly.

“I’m not… I mean I’m glad. Kakashi-san needed you, still does and I…” Yamato pauses looking around for inspiration. “I haven’t been myself, I’ve been self-absorbed and selfish, so I’m glad he’s had you.”

Sai nods, though he still looks guilty, and Yamato places a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. 

“I am sorry it’s taken me this long to shake myself out of it,” he says, and while Yamato knows he’s far from actually being out of it, he can manage through a dinner with his team. He can try for them, and that’s more than he’d have been able to do two days ago.

Maybe everything did change with Kakashi. Maybe Yamato’s entire world is destined to revolve around Kakashi in some way, shape or form, and that thought isn’t as burdening as Yamato once believed.

“War impacts us all differently,” Sai says. “I’m lucky enough to have my friends, and I was there, fighting. You… Kakashi-san… your circumstances are completely different to the rest of ours. You have a past, a relationship you’ve built upon, but everything’s changed.”

Sai crouches down as one of his mice returns, checking the intel it’s received. He shows the notes to Yamato. There’s nothing special involved, and he nods slowly, wanting Sai to carry on talking. Thankfully, he does.

“Kakashi-san might not have been ROOT, but he might as well have been. And you, with everything you’ve been through.” Yamato nods, knowing that Danzō had told Sai everything before he joined their team. It had never surprised him, it was a move typical of Danzō.

“What I’m trying to say is that you two have hardly ever had the most stable base for a relationship before, but I think now you might.” Sai nods as Yamato blinks. It wasn’t the answer he’s been expecting, and he looks in the direction of their target for a few minutes, trying to process.

“Target’s on the move,” Yamato comments, and they begin following slowly. There’s not a lot going on, so Yamato does actually need to answer Sai.

“I don’t get what you mean,” he says, and it’s nice to be able to admit that he doesn’t know anything to Sai. Not to say he’s always acted as if he is perfect, but it puts them on an equal understanding. They’re friends, family, now, and Yamato is going to take care of his own, even if he’s technically their captain.

“What I mean,” Sai says, and he seems excited at the prospect to explain something he’s learnt to someone, “is that this is your chance. You both need to move on as we create peace. There is no huge enemy hanging over us, the war is over, completely, the Five Nations are in agreement talks… my generation has not suffered terrible casualties that will impact future generations.”

Yamato nods. He knows all of this, but he doesn’t get what it has to do with him and Kakashi. 

“You can plan for a future,” Sai says, and that just about sums everything up. It’s what Yamato craves and fears in equal parts, and he sighs, smiling at Sai.

“That’s terrifying,” he admits, and Sai’s eyes widen before he nods quickly.

“I know,” Sai agrees, “I never expected it to actually happen.”

That’s exactly how Yamato feels, and he closes his eyes for a moment, smiling as the sun hits his face. 

“For the first time in our lives, we can actually hope to die of old age,” Yamato comments, and the thought of it is so absurd that he’d laugh if they didn’t need to stay relatively quiet. “Imagine that, a whole village of ninja growing old.”

The thought is becoming more and more pleasant as Yamato realises that yes, he wants that. He wants to grow old, along with the trees and plants, along with Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura and Sai. He wants them to blossom and flourish, to spend long afternoons together in the sun, short evenings huddled against the cold of winter and years together. Yamato’s always expected he’d die on a mission, left to the animals and the elements with no one to confirm whether he ever died or just defected. To think that he has a chance to die in his sleep in a house he’s lived his life in… 

“I don’t think I can do it,” Yamato realises. He speaks bluntly, slowly, and thinks that this, behind everything else, is the seed of his problems. How can he live a slow, normal life? 

“I’m not sure what the alternative is,” Sai comments, and Yamato glances his way. What is the alternative? To start a war himself? Yamato certainly has the power, but he’s been there and done that. He doesn’t want to hurt the people he loves any more than he has.

“Neither am I,” he admits instead, coming to a standstill. Their target has paused, and Yamato’s just about ready to call this mission an end. Their criminal isn’t going anywhere, and if they do leave the Fire country a seal will activate. As long as he’s in the Fire country, Yamato will be able to find him.

“It’s easier for me, but you need to adjust. That’s all. Adjust and things will feel like their fitting into their rightful place. Accept that you don’t have to die and rot down to nothing, no name, no grave marker, nothing. You’re here,” Sai said, his stare warm and kind, “and you’re not going anywhere. None of us are.”

The words are grounding, and Yamato smiles, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He calls the mission, a breeze stirring as they head home, and for once he feels determination in his stride as he returns to Konohagakure. It’s been boiling over since Kakashi left his house, and Yamato is not going to let this slip away. 

“I’ll see you in a few hours then,” Yamato says, after they’ve reported to Tsunade and she’s rolled her eyes, wondering why they didn’t call it earlier. Yamato simply raised an eyebrow and she’d dismissed them with a laugh, enjoying the last few weeks of her tenure.

“Do you want me to bring anything?” Yamato asks, and Sai shakes his head, smiling widely.

“I’ve made enough for probably three Narutos, and it all needs to go. I’ve got it all covered, maybe next time though,” Sai promises, and Yamato nods. 

It might be a stupid move, for he’s still in his work clothes and he’s pretty sure he smells of sweat, but Yamato doesn’t head home. He doesn’t need sage chakra for this, though it would make everything a little easier, as he knows where Kakashi will be. He’ll be at his house, and if he’s not then he’ll be somewhere else. Yamato will always be able to find Kakashi, he’s a predictable person in terms of habitat.

He swallows thickly, pausing as he comes to knock on the door. Yamato lowers his hand, shifts on the doorstep, and knocks once, lightly. Of course no one would hear that, Yamato thinks, and he raps three times, each a little harder than the last. It’s the kind of knock someone will hear, and he waits. And waits. And waits.

“The owner’s an old man who never has visitors,” a tired voice says, and Yamato turns to see Kakashi walking down the hallway, shopping bags in each hand. “Aside from troublesome teenagers, of course,” he adds, and Yamato can tell he’s smiling slightly.

“Want me to open up?” Yamato offers lightly, and he’s already moving his hand to the metal handle, filling it and shifting the lock open. Kakashi nods in thanks, tilting his head, a silent question. Yamato steps inside, looking around as he moves to the kitchen. He’s helped Kakashi unpack groceries plenty of times before, and they fall into a causal routine. Yamato takes refrigerated foods and Kakashi works on the cupboards. It’s an effortless system.

“I know why you’re here,” Kakashi says, setting a bag of flour down on the counter. Yamato turns, holding a tomato in his hand, frowning. Maybe Sai talked to Kakashi before, he thinks, and brightens. 

“I don’t think it’s fair,” Kakashi continues, and his voice has grown into something cold and sad. A stab of fear flows through Yamato, and he knows that regardless of trust and their past, he has lost Kakashi over the course of these past months. He’s lost him, and there’s never an easy way to find him, but oh Yamato is willing to try.

“I get that it’s hard for you, I really do, but it’s hard for me too,” Kakashi says, bitterness creeping into his voice. He’s not the sort to admit to this easily, and Yamato can tell he’s pissed off. 

“I know, but-“ Yamato begins, shaking his head and setting his tomato down. He moves closer to Kakashi, pausing at the table that separates them. “I just wanted to talk before tonight. Honest. Nothing more, nothing less. I know I’ve been… well I’ve not been the easiest person to be involved with, but I really am getting there.” Yamato talks quickly, words blurring almost, and he grits his jaw as he waits for Kakashi’s judgement. 

Maybe he has left it too late, maybe he’s really fucked things up beyond repair, even though he’s only just realised that it’s not just him who’s changed. The world’s changed, everything has, and Yamato wants to adapt, no matter how hard.

Kakashi looks at him slowly, comprehension dawning.

“You’re not here to tell me not to go tonight,” he asks, wanting the clarification, and Yamato shakes his head quickly. He’s really let things get bad if that’s Kakashi’s first thought of him.

“I’m looking forward to tonight,” Yamato says, voice quiet and soft, as it always is when he speaks the truth nowadays. “I just… wanted to see you.”

Kakashi picks up the bag of flour, and they return to unpacking the groceries in silence. It’s not awkward or uncomfortable, it just is. Yamato doesn’t want to break the truce they’ve formed, and he’s content, much more content than he has been in days.

“I think I have some old clothes of yours here,” Kakashi muses, voice clearer than before. Yamato looks over at him, from where he’s been removing mouldy food from the fridge, surprised to see Kakashi’s mask down. He could do with a shave, unless he wants to continue on and grow an actual beard of course, and aside from darker circles under his eyes and a slight downturned, worried look to his mouth, Kakashi hasn’t changed a bit.

“Or you can just take something of mine. It might just about fit,” Kakashi continues, grabbing the last empty bag and squishing it into a ball. The bag goes in a cupboard, and Yamato nods. He used to have loads of clothes at Kakashi’s, and vice versa, but they’d never gotten around to restocking each other’s houses after they lost almost everything in Pein’s attack.

“Am I alright to have a look?” Yamato asks, and Kakashi nods without a thought. 

“I’ll be in in a sec,” he mutters, searching through the cupboards, and Yamato heads off. 

Kakashi’s home is small. It’s enough for one person, especially someone like Kakashi, but the bedroom has always impressed Yamato. It has a wide window, pictures and books lining the shelves and bedside tables, and it has a ridiculously comfortable bed. Somehow the bed survived Pein’s attack and everything out, and Yamato sits down, smiling at the familiar creak it makes.

“That’s not looking,” Kakashi comments wryly as he enters the room. His jacket is gone and he’s making quick work of stripping the rest, so Yamato follows suit. Usually he’d shower, but showering means asking to leave Kakashi, and he doesn’t want to do that right now. 

He watches Kakashi, not even bothering to hide it. Yamato drops the top half of his clothing in the washing basket, dumping Kakashi’s clothes in too, and waits. Kakashi is a little skinnier than usual, a side effect of a desk job that takes up most of his time Yamato thinks, but he looks healthy. Yamato is glad, he realises, and he looks down, hands clenching into fists.

He wants to speak, wants to apologise, to explain, but the words never come. This is his moment, Yamato thinks, to explain the war and the aftermath, and his ear, and how he’s failed them all and they’ve all just shown him love back. This is his moment to reveal his sage abilities, to show Kakashi the wonders he’s been doing over where they fought. This is his moment to ask Kakashi what’s been bothering him, be by his side as he becomes the Hokage and move things forward.

Yamato stagnates, though, rooted to the moment. It passes, Kakashi throwing some clothes over his shoulder with a light, closed-off smile.

“They should fit. You’re not quite as bulky anymore,” Kakashi says, and there is a pause, as if he’s just twigged the reason why Yamato might have lost muscle mass. It doesn’t bother him, and Yamato knows Kakashi is aware of what he said. It’s just the truth, that’s all.

“Thanks,” Yamato says, and he looks up slowly, aware that Kakashi hasn’t made to put his own clothes on. He’s staring right at Yamato, eyes heavy-lidded, but feet unmoving.

“Kakashi-“ Yamato begins, and then his arms are moving around Kakashi’s neck, pulling him even closer as he moves forward. 

Fuck the apologies and the explanations, they can wait for a time when Yamato can handle them on his own, not just on the back of Sai’s revelation. He wants Kakashi now, and the bed gives a loud protest as they fall back, Kakashi landing heavily on Yamato’s chest.

“Sorry,” Kakashi says, practically breathing the word between kisses.

“Don’t be,” Yamato replies, and then he’s shuffling up the bed, trying to kick his trousers off as Kakashi straddles him. He’s hard, Yamato registers, and it’s just as well. He’s not exactly uninterested himself, and his lip curls as he gasps, Kakashi grinding down.

Kakashi hums in his ear, his good one, and he’s kissing Yamato’s jaw, mouthing along and scraping his teeth against flesh. His stubble scratches Yamato’s cheek, but it’s not entirely unpleasant. Still, he wants Kakashi’s mouth on his, and Yamato feels his blood soar as Kakashi kisses him. His lip drags down as Kakashi moves, pressing kisses against the other side of his jaw, and Yamato freezes. 

“Ah,” he comments, eyes wide as Kakashi pulls back. He doesn’t say anything, and Kakashi searches his face, eyes narrowing.

“We’ll be late to Sai’s,” Kakashi says, reluctance creeping into his tone. Yamato is breathing heavily, and he can still taste Kakashi, but he nods. The moment is ruined, Yamato’s weakness, and they dress in silence.

He follows Kakashi out of the door, and it’s so easy for the two of them to pretend that nothing is wrong, that they have their old lives back, in some convoluted way. If they don’t talk about it, don’t acknowledge the good or the bad, then it’s fine. It has to be.

Of course, they both know they’re lying to themselves and each other, and Yamato wonders how long this fragile bond between them can last. He just hopes he finds the courage to talk before it splinters, or else he really will lose Kakashi for good.

.

Days later, Yamato sits high in the tree, staring down at the forest they’re growing. Naruto is busy humming to himself, and he says something about a firefly. Which is ridiculous, because fireflies don’t come out this time of year, but then he’s pointing. Yamato can’t see a tiny light, but he humours Naruto anyway.

The moon is out, and Yamato feels nothing as he looks at it. What use is the infinite Tsukuyomi if it happens in real life and it’s more like a terrible dream? Yamato’s gotten what he wants, but it’s completely wrong.

“It’s wrong,” Yamato says, and Naruto stops mid-way through explaining what the firefly means. 

“Then what are you going to do?” he asks, and Yamato shrugs. 

“Get over myself I suppose,” Yamato says, and Naruto scoffs. It’s not meant as a nasty sound, but it jars Yamato all the same, and he frowns, looking even more miserable. 

“Yeah well good luck,” Naruto comments, and Yamato is tempted to change the shape of the tree again, revert it back to its natural state so they have no comfortable seat. “Just talk to Kakashi-sensei. Get everything out, cry, fight, laugh, whatever. Be honest with him, and he’ll be honest with you.”

It’s easier said than done though, and Yamato wants to tell this to Naruto.

“He’s as bad as you, you do know that? I think the two of you are just carrying on in denial because you’re so afraid to be honest in case you lose each other.” Naruto rocks in his seat, and Yamato feels his breath catch in his chest. “What neither of you seem to realise is what the rest of us can see plain as day.”

Naruto smiles, something beautiful and secretive, and Yamato looks away quickly, almost afraid to see the look on his face. He doesn’t ask what Naruto’s talking about. He knows, deep down. He knows. To get there, though, Yamato has to expose more of himself than ever before, a terrible, selfish self that he’s never wanted anyone else to see.

“We have work to do,” Yamato says, and Naruto mimics his pose, the pair of them beginning to collect sage chakra. 

Return to the root, Yamato thinks, and then he’s pouring all his might into the world around him, all human emotions rolling off of him as Naruto channels his own chakra through him. The cycle is starting, and they have a forest to grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (it may seem like things are on the mend, but you still have 2 chapters and they're not exactly getting deep into their issues so strap yourselves in there's going to be some long emotional sorting out to come!) thank you for all your support so far, it really does help me write. i hope you enjoyed this chapter and hopefully see you soon!


	4. [kakashi]

Yamato works. He knows he’s doing it so he has limited free time and doesn’t have to think when he is home on account of how tired he is, but it’s a good way to build up his profile. He needs to get fitter as well, and he’s started building muscle mass back up. He’s climbing back on top of his game, and while he may be avoiding certain things and people, Yamato is starting to feel good again.

ANBU is a second nature to Yamato, and he starts with some lower level missions. Sai accompanies him on some, and he’s placed on teams with various people he knows, but they don’t make a big deal out of it. Yamato never removes his mask – as ANBU protocol states – and they don’t question whether they’re familiar with their team member’s chakra (and unique techniques) or not.

He does well, Yamato knows. ANBU is rocky after the war, but he begins to work through the chaos, closing some old cases and organising the newer ones. Some of the younger recruits come to him before they set out, just to hear Yamato’s opinion, and he sits them down, talks them through. None of them fail their missions, and, more importantly, all of them come home.

It’s Yamato’s sixth week since being back, and the commander’s called him in. Yamato’s not a stranger to him, as he’s been reporting to the commander mostly, Tsunade when he can, and Kakashi never, but to be summoned with no idea why is something unsettling.

They keep their masks on, and Yamato stands stiffly as the commander welcomes him in. 

“I have to say it’s been a pleasure welcoming you back,” the commander says, and they both sit. His desk is orderly, bare even, just like the rest of ANBU. “Morale is up, and we’re getting good feedback about missions with non-ANBU members thanks to you. You’re more of a special ANBU member in terms that you’re not just ANBU and do reveal your identity, but your hard work is paying off.”

Yamato nods slowly. It’s strange to be congratulated for his job, and he wonders what he’s about to be asked to do. 

“We’ve decided to change the management of ANBU slightly. I’ll be commander still, but there will be four divisions acting under me. Everyone will belong to each, though they can specialise if they wish, and the heads of these divisions will manage each section.” The commander pauses, and Yamato thinks he knows now where this is headed.

“Tracking is the only division for which we have no head. It didn’t take us long to get together a list, though the list really is only a handful of people.” Yamato nods, pressing his lips together. “I know you’ve rejected offers of promotions like this in the past, and if you didn’t want to take the position I’d understand, but you’d be the best man for the job.”

The commander is always honest, and Yamato remains rigid, weighing his options. Becoming head of tracking will mean Yamato will be consulted on all tracking missions, asked for advice and will train others, and it sounds like something he’ll enjoy. On the other hand, it’ll probably put him in closer contact with the Hokage, might cut into his personal and out-of-ANBU life, and Yamato isn’t sure he wants so much responsibility.

“I need people I can trust,” the commander says quietly, head tilting down. “I’d agree if you only wanted this as a trial run too, of course.”

Yamato considers for a moment. He wants this, if he’s honest to himself. He wants to test how far his limits go, and this is the perfect opportunity. If he has to see Kakashi more then, well, it’ll be on a professional basis. He can’t let anyone get in the way of what he wants, and Yamato nods slowly.

“I’ll take the position,” he says, and the commander looks up. 

“Would you like a change of code name?” he asks, and Yamato is surprised to be allowed the privilege to choose. He thinks, for all of a millisecond, and shakes his head. He’s grown fond of Yamato. He’s been through a lot with this name, and it’s one his team know. He doesn’t want to lose that, so he’ll keep the name. 

“Okay then,” the commander says, and Yamato can hear the smile in his voice. “There’s a meeting with the other heads tomorrow, and I’ll be going over what each of you will be doing. Until then, enjoy some free time – I doubt you’ll have any for the first few days of your new position.”

Yamato stands and bows, leaving quietly. He is smiling beneath his mask, and he feels good, completely, wholly good.

.

Shifting uncomfortably, Yamato tries to stretch out his legs. He knocks against Naruto, and is about to apologise when a yawn sneaks up on him.

“I think Sai’s trying to kill us with too much food,” Sakura comments from the other side of the room. She’s sitting on an armchair, Kakashi on the floor at her feet. She’s busy stroking his hair, and Kakashi seems to be asleep, head lolled back and a soft snore escaping him. Yamato smiles, and then turns his attention back to what Naruto was saying.

“So clones, yeah? I know they’re my speciality, but they’re so useful.” He’s doing something with his eyes, and Yamato just looks at him for a while, ignoring what he’s saying. Does Naruto need Sakura to treat him?

“Taichō,” Naruto says, waving a hand. It’s a little unfair how Naruto is as bouncy as usual after Sai’s stuffed them full of food, though Yamato supposes Naruto always more than a normal human. Maybe he’s eating for Kurama too, Yamato muses, does it work like that? “I’m saying important stuff here.”

“Of course,” Yamato mumbles, stifling another yawn. “I’m listening.”

Naruto rolls his eyes and shifts closer on the sofa. It’s a little odd, Naruto being so close, with his arm practically around Yamato’s shoulders, so whatever he has to say really does have to be important.

“Clones,” Naruto says dramatically. “Whenever I need to store chakra for my sage mode, I use clones.”

Sakura snorts from the other side of the room, and Yamato pretends not to notice how Kakashi jerks, eyes darting around to see if anyone caught him napping. He sinks back against the armchair again, Sakura returns to playing with his hair, but Kakashi looks in their direction, apparently deciding to listen as Naruto (strangely subtly) gives Yamato ideas.

“Get a clone, set it down somewhere, let it collect nature energy, recall the clone… done!” Naruto claps his hands together, an awkward motion considering he brings his hand up to clap by Yamato’s head. It’s a soft sound, by his good ear, and Yamato gives Naruto a look, smiling as he sighs.

“Thank you for sharing,” he says, and Naruto grins. He returns his hand to his side of the sofa, though he’s still half-hugging Yamato with the other one. 

“Well we’ve never really sat down and talked about my sage techniques. I know it’s not really relevant to any of you guys, but I like to share, you know?” Naruto says, and Yamato maintains a stoic poker face as Kakashi glances his way. It’s barely a moment, but Yamato freezes all the same.

He hasn’t really spoken to Kakashi since they left things awkwardly a while back. Yamato misses him, but there’s nothing he can do. He’s tried talking it through to his mirror, pretending it’s Kakashi, rehearsing his explanations of why he froze when Kakashi got near his ear, why he needed time to think to explain, why he doesn’t want Kakashi to think him weak or stupid… but he’s never said them. He’s professional at work, Kakashi is too, and they’re getting on like that. 

It’s a stalemate, one neither of them are happy with, but Yamato doesn’t seem to be able to move past it. Not yet anyway.

“Dessert is up!” Sai calls, entering the room with what looks to be a cake the size of Yamato’s torso. He swallows thickly, feeling his stomach protest at the sight of food, and he hears Sakura mirror his thoughts. 

“How the hell do you think any of us have any room left?” she moans, abandoning her seat and edging towards the cake regardless. Sai’s cooking is good, after all, and even if all of them are full to bursting, they will all make space for cake.

“I don’t know what you’re moaning about,” Naruto comments brightly, “I have plenty of room!”

“Of course you do,” Kakashi says, voice warm. Yamato presses his lips together, looking down at the cake as Sai begins to cut into it. He gives Naruto the first, and largest, slice, and the noises of appreciation from Naruto are enough to make Yamato want a bigger piece than he’d originally intended.

“Have you ever been checked for worms,” Kakashi comments casually, grunting as Sakura jabs her foot behind her, kicking Kakashi’s shin. 

“Every time he gets dragged in I test, believe me. His endless stomach is still a medical mystery,” she assures, snagging a plate for both her and Kakashi, returning to the armchair when she’s done. Sai sits down too, on the other side of Yamato, in a pattern that is becoming something solid and grounding in Yamato’s life.

It’s not in any of their nature as ninja to be close and comfortable with others, but here they all are. They’re relaxed, personal spaces mingling as if they are an entire unit rather than individuals. There’s no one outside of this room that Yamato would allow to drape their arm around him or rest against as they eat cake. He knows it’s the same for Kakashi too, though the others probably don’t get that.

Different times, Yamato thinks, and he meets Kakashi’s eyes over a bite of cake. He smiles, cheeks puffed out, and Kakashi glances around the room, ducking his head slightly. Yamato knows he’s about to lower his mask and take a bite of cake, and he raises an eyebrow. Kakashi’s been doing it subtly throughout all the dinners, but this is a risk even for him. Though, all things considered, this is probably the most dangerous thing either of them have been involved in lately, and a thrill runs through Yamato’s body. It’s silly, really, but silliness is what they need.

Kakashi gets away with it, of course. Yamato sits back, knocking Naruto’s arm as he does so. He’s impressed, truth be told, though not unsurprised. Kakashi fixes the edge of his mask, shoots a smile Yamato’s way, and Yamato swallows slowly, breath hitching as he thinks of all the other ways he’s seen Kakashi taking down his mask.

He wants, Yamato knows. They both want, and the ball is really in Yamato’s court, now he thinks about it. While they haven’t talked about what happened last time, it was Yamato’s fault. Kakashi has no idea how Yamato feels about his ear – Yamato’s never told him, and while he probably at least knows he’s lost hearing, he can’t know that Yamato sees it as his weakness. He’d reacted before he’d had time to think, and he’d lost Kakashi back then. Glancing back at Kakashi now, Yamato thinks he might be able to get him back.

“I have an early meeting,” Yamato announces, standing slowly. He takes a moment to glance at Kakashi, before he’s smiling at the others. They all make noises of trying to stop him, but Yamato shakes his head slowly.

“If I don’t see you before, next dinner it is,” he says, and they all let him go, Naruto running to the kitchen with a cry of ‘alcohol!’. Yamato pretends he doesn’t hear it and continues walking. 

He’s not counting the seconds, really he’s not, but it takes Kakashi three minutes and thirteen seconds to catch up with him. They’re halfway to Yamato’s house now, pretty much, but he doesn’t wait. He grabs Kakashi’s wrist and pulls him close, opening his mouth to speak.

“I don’t care,” Kakashi says. His mask is down, he’s walking them back against the wall, and Yamato’s hand moves to grip the centre of his shirt. “Just…”

Yamato pulls him closer, pressed between Kakashi and the wall. He smiles as he kisses Kakashi, and there is only a moment of pause, the only acknowledgement from them both that this is probably a bad idea. Still, Yamato wants what he wants, and so does Kakashi. 

Somehow they make it back to Yamato’s house. He doesn’t bother to lock the door, barely manages to shut it in fact, still clinging to Kakashi and dragging him to the bedroom, clothes flying, and that’ll be fun for the morning.

The air whooshes out of Yamato as he falls back on the bed, and Kakashi lets him roll them over. He stares down, running a thumb over Kakashi’s lips and then his jaw, kissing him slowly, softly. He tenses as Kakashi brings a hand up, running through the back of Yamato’s hair and the side of his good ear, and he notes that Kakashi doesn’t go near his bad side. He’s a quick learner, Yamato knows, and he pulls back slightly, Kakashi’s lips shiny and parted.

“I-“ Yamato begins, and Kakashi shifts his body, lips curling on one side as Yamato closes his eyes, heat rolling through him. 

“I told you I don’t care,” Kakashi says, and he props himself up on his elbows, tilting his head to the side. “Whatever it is, whatever this is, I don’t care. I just want you.”

He isn’t lying, and Yamato kisses him sweetly, straddling Kakashi and closing his eyes as he grinds down.

“Alright then,” he whispers, and Kakashi moves up, kissing his stomach, moving his tongue over warm skin. He really has missed Kakashi, even if it’s just for the sex right now. He runs a hand through Kakashi’s hair and pulls his head back gently, bending down to kiss him again.

This is something he’ll never grow tired of, Yamato thinks, and he sees the flash of Kakashi’s teeth in the darkness. It’s a promise, that smile, and Yamato intends to make good on his own promises, eventually.

They have the whole night, after all, and time spent apart to make up for. 

 

.

The days are starting to get warmer, and Yamato turns his attention away from the meeting dismissals to watch the trees outside sway in the gentle breeze. They’re starting to blossom, or will be in the next week or so, and all through natural means. Yamato’s looking forward to it, looking forward to the new life, and he wonders if Naruto wants to head out to the forest they’re rebuilding after his next mission.

“If, at any time, you’re unclear with what your duties are, let me know,” the commander says, and Yamato’s fellow heads of ANBU nod. “We’ll meet for the mission brief in two days. Other than that, enjoy your down time, keep in top shape, and I’ll see you then. Dismissed.”

Yamato is in no hurry to leave, and he stands slowly, stretching out his neck. They’re to accompany both Tsunade and Kakashi to the daimyō, to begin the process of swearing Kakashi in as Hokage. It’s more of a simple formality without any real power, but it’s still part of the process, and process has to be respected. They’ll be guarding two very important people, and though both Tsunade and Kakashi can look after themselves, how would it look to leave them without guards? 

He has time to kill before Kakashi will be coming over to his. He’s in no rush to simply sit around twiddling his thumbs. They’ll do what they do best, have sex and then more sex, and then they’ll head over to Sai’s for dinner. It’ll be a perfect evening.

As he exits the room, Sakura looks as if she’s waiting for someone outside. She brightens when she sees him, and Yamato realises she’s been waiting for him.

“I’ve just come off a night shift, take me somewhere they have coffee please,” she says, and she does look tired, Yamato thinks. As to why she’s not headed back to her bed and is, instead, asking him to buy her coffee, Yamato has no idea, but he is starting to dread thinking why.

“So,” Sakura says when she has a large mug before her and they’re sitting in a secluded corner of a café. “I need to talk to you.”

Yamato nods, stomach sinking. He has an idea of what this will be about, and while he wants to run and not talk about it, he really doesn’t have a choice. He’s been able to get away with it this long, it’s about time someone cornered him.

“About Kakashi-sensei,” she clarifies, and Yamato’s fears are confirmed. It’s been weeks since he’s talked about his relationship with Kakashi, and well. It’s overdue, to be honest.

“Okay,” Yamato says, though his voice is unsteady. He frowns, looks down at his own coffee, and waits.

“Have you talked to him?” Sakura asks, and Yamato shrugs.

“We don’t really… talk,” he admits, and Sakura sighs.

“Look, I’m tired. I want to go to bed, but Sai doesn’t have the skillset for deep emotional talks and I dread to think how Naruto would approach this. He started asking questions about g-spots the other day, and he kept trying to look at my magazines to see if he could intensify his orgasm?” Sakura wrinkles her nose, and Yamato gives a slight laugh. 

“He showed me some of those magazines,” Yamato says, and he remembers laughing at the tips they gave. All designed for women, of course, but they were still ludicrous. While he doesn’t exactly want to think about Sakura having sex, he doubts she does some of the strange things in the magazines to achieve orgasms. 

“Oh god,” Sakura says, eyes widening. 

“I gave him some reliable sources, told him to take Sai with him, and any others he thinks can learn about the prostate, and sent him on his way.” Yamato takes a sip of his drink, and it burns the tip of his tongue. He winces, and Sakura chuckles, switching back to business.

“Look, what you two have is not really any of my business. I don’t care if you’re having sex Naruto would be jealous of or if you’re just sitting reading books.” She raises an eyebrow, as if to say she knows, without a doubt, it’s the first. “But you haven’t solved anything. Kakashi-sensei is just as miserable as he was before, and you’re even worse.”

Yamato looks at Sakura and then back down. He swallows, takes a sip of his drink again, and this time he doesn’t flinch when it burns his tongue.

“I’m fine,” Yamato says, and Sakura sits back, sighing. 

“Not talking about things and issues doesn’t make them go away,” she begins strongly, and Yamato looks at the table, tracing the wooden grain with his eyes. “I know what it’s like to be left behind, with the people you love not telling you anything. I always thought I had to do things by myself, that I’d never be good enough for them, but here I am.”

Sakura’s voice softens, and her hand comes to rest on the table, fingertips resting just in Yamato’s line of view. 

“Here you are. We’ve both made it this far, isn’t that more than anything we thought we’d get?” Sakura takes her hand back to her lap, biting her lip. “The world didn’t end. The world isn’t ending, and it’s not going to any time soon. So why are you clinging onto a relationship that is doomed to end unless you actually sort it out?”

Yamato’s body jolts, and suddenly he can’t do this. He can’t sit here and listen to Sakura and her truths. What he has with Kakashi is good, it’s working, and who cares if they never talk about anything? They have sex and sleep. It’s more than a lot of people get. 

His breathing increases, breath coming short and shallow. The sounds around them seem to haze in and out, and Yamato looks around, bending over.

“Taichō?” Sakura says, and then she’s scraping her chair back, standing by his side. She places a hand on his back, and Yamato can feel his chest ease, breathing becoming easier. His eyes are wide when she returns to her seat, but his breathing is controlled again.

“I can’t,” he says, and Sakura looks away, brow worried. The tiredness around her eyes suddenly looks more pronounced, and Yamato feels shame claw at him.

“I know we’re safe, I know there is peace, but…” he pauses, gripping his mug tightly. It would be easy to make it shatter, Yamato thinks, and he eases up, taking a steadying breath. He plants his feet flat on the ground, seeking comfort in the earth below him, even if there are man-made floors between him and dirt.

“You’re allowed to be happy,” Sakura says bluntly. “You don’t need to exist in the world where you can only have happiness so long as it’s destined to end badly. Maybe one day it will end, even if you tell the truth, even if you talk, but how do you know? What if this is the kind of thing that’s forever?”

Yamato shouldn’t be having this conversation with her, he thinks. If anyone, this is the kind of thing he needs to talk to Kakashi about, but oh he can’t do that can he. 

“We have what we have,” Yamato says, the words barely leaving him. “It doesn’t-“

Sakura slams her fist down on the table. The wood cracks, splinters, and their drinks fall to the floor. There is fire in her eyes as she stands slowly, head high as she moves.

“Stop bullshitting,” she says firmly as she steps up to Yamato’s side. Everyone’s looking at them now, and Yamato resists the urge to move, heart pounding. “You’re not happy, no matter what lies you’re telling yourself.”

She turns to leave, but pauses at the last moment, hair flicking around her shoulders as she smiles widely. She settles her gaze on Yamato, still smiling, and speaks.

“You’re not the only one who got this conversation, by the way. You’re just as bad as each other,” she says, and this time she does leave, head held high as she steps into the sun, leaving Yamato with the mess in his head and the mess on the ground.

The table is easy. Yamato knits back together the wood in a moment, and the patrons all stare at him in disbelief. He gives an embarrassed nod of the head, forks out plenty of money to cover damages, and the staff watch him go, bewildered looks on their faces. That’s one place Yamato will never be able to go back to, he thinks, and it’s a shame. They sold good coffee.

Sakura is right though. Yamato’s been deluding himself thinking (pretending) he’s happy with how things are right now. They’re only stagnating, together without talking about their issues and their problems. They have a mountain of them, and it’s only growing, but still Kakashi tells him he doesn’t care, and Yamato believes it.

His feet take him to the Hokage office, and Yamato waits exactly three minutes to be allowed in. Kakashi’s at a small desk, Tsunade behind a larger one, and they both look up as he enters.

“I’m ill,” Yamato blurts out, and his eyes dart from Tsunade’s raised eyebrow to Kakashi’s unimpressed and slightly baffled look. “I mean,” Yamato starts, but he trails off as Tsunade stands, flipping her hair over her shoulder and heading to the door.

“I’m taking Shizune and going for lunch. I won’t be back until later, and I want those files finished,” she says as she leaves. The door closes, and then it’s just Yamato and Kakashi, with miles of space between them.

“I’m ill,” Yamato repeats, and Kakashi nods slowly.

“Right,” he says, and Yamato shifts on the spot. 

“I wanted to rest up before the mission in two days, so I wanted to let you know.” Yamato presses his lips together, and Kakashi hums, frowning.

“Okay,” he says. “I guess I won’t see you until the mission then?” he asks, the words stilted. Yamato nods curtly, and then he’s turning and leaving, just like that.

“Ten-“ Kakashi says, but he cuts himself short. The silence that follows is painful, and Yamato doesn’t move, his back to Kakashi and ears ringing with the sound of his name, or at least part of it.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kakashi continues. And that’s that then. Yamato leaves, though his feet feel like stone blocks, and it takes more effort than he’ll ever admit. 

That doesn’t matter, though. It is what it is, and while he can remember the fire and hope in Sakura’s eyes, Yamato doesn’t think that’s what lies in his destiny. It is what it is. He is what he is. He’s not miserable, Yamato thinks, and he heads home. 

He doesn’t leave the house until it’s time for the mission brief.

.

Unofficially, Yamato is in charge of this mission. The commander has told him that, when it’s just the two of them. He’s acknowledged that, along the route they’re taking, Yamato will be at an advantage due to the trees. Therefore he’s in charge, and so the others – four including the commander – look to him before Tsunade and Kakashi get there.

“We’ll take a standard formation. If anything looks up, I’ll have a wood clone survey ahead. I’ll signal to you, which I’m sure Tsunade-sama and Kakashi-san will pick up on. They are not to engage, however, unless things are irreversibly bad.” The others nod, so Yamato continues. This is his job, this is what he’s good at, and he’s not going to let anyone down today. 

“We will have three rest stops along the way. These are marked out on the maps, please memorise them.” The others glance at the maps in their hands, and Yamato gives them the time to take in the locations of their rest stops. They won’t rest for long, enough to grab something to eat and drink at the roadside shops, and they’ll still need to be alert.

“Naruto has agreed to look after things here, and I have a way to contact him, and vice versa, if I need to.” The beauty of Kurama’s chakra reacting to the mokuton is that they can use it like a beacon, especially after all the tuning they have done together, through creating trees and working on sage techniques. If Yamato’s in trouble, all he has to do is create a tree, a tree with the intent of danger. It sounds odd, but he’s practiced it with Naruto before, and it’s worked. Likewise, all Naruto will have to do is use Kurama’s chakra to seek him out and Yamato’s palm will flare up, much like it did when Naruto broke his seal so long ago.

The commander rolls his map back up nodding.

“I think that’s everything we need to say for now,” he says, and Yamato adjusts his mask. He can feel Tsunade and Kakashi coming closer, and they all straighten. This mission has to go smoothly, and Yamato looks straight ahead.

“Well then,” Tsunade says, hands on hips. “Aren’t you all an imposing bunch.”

She laughs, turns to Kakashi, and nods.

“Let’s get going and get this all done with.” With that, they fall into formation. 

Yamato’s position is to the left of Kakashi, and he buzzes with the feel of Kakashi’s chakra. He’s a little uneasy as Kakashi’s on his bad side, but he can cope. He’s not one of the heads of ANBU for nothing, and he has a mission to excel on. 

Their journey is uneventful. All five ANBU are on edge, but Tsunade and Kakashi seem relaxed. Of course, they’re not really, but Tsunade opens a discussion about a policy they’ve been trying to edit, and Kakashi seems… interested. In fact, it’s the most interested and honest Yamato’s heard him in a long while, and he spends a lot of energy trying to decipher the conversation, even if his ear closest only gives him white noise. 

There is a ripple, suddenly. Yamato stills for a split second, his footstep coming down heavier than he intended. The other ANBU glance his way, and Yamato tilts his head slightly, baring his neck. That’s his signal, and he presses his foot down against the earth, sending chakra to grow a wood clone out of trees up ahead. It moves out, and Yamato waits for the feedback, ignoring Kakashi as he begins detailing what he’d like to see in the next few months.

There, Yamato thinks as his clone stills. Information relays back, and Yamato sees someone moving this hands quickly. A summoning, perhaps, and his clone watches, focusing on the energy around them, trying to feel what is coming. 

Their possible attacker stops moving, and a circle burns around them. Yamato comes to a standstill, eyes wide. The person is grinning, and they look directly at Yamato’s clone, shouting as the wind picks up, something huge and dangerous crawling out of the circle.

Yamato has almost no time to warn his team when the creature bursts through the trees, its size growing until it easily rivals the bijū in peak form. Yamato curses, widening his stance and preparing to protect Tsunade and Kakashi. His clone returns to him, and Yamato’s eyes widen behind his mask as he feels sage chakra returning to him.

A conversation with Naruto, an arm around him, Naruto trying to tell him something. Clones could store sage chakra.

Yamato grins as the creature roars, a mouth that seems to have teeth in every direction. The summoner sits astride the creature, a tiny dot, but Yamato can stop this now. He has the power, and everything he’s done over the past few months has honed his abilities. He can do this and keep his secret, thanks to his ANBU mask.

He can hear the rest of the team mobilising, the commander taking charge as they’d planned if an attack really did get underway. Yamato knows they’re on a different level to him now, however, and remembers how Naruto had confided that he never wants to fight in sage mode when others are there. They’re often a liability, and Yamato understands. He can’t protect them if they’re not in synch with him, and how can they be in synch when they have no idea of the power he possesses.

Thinking quickly, Yamato slams his palms on the ground. The earth around them sinks, huge tree roots surrounding the rest of the team, intertwining as water pools around them. He creates a mangrove, essentially, and while they’ll be able to get past the roots with some effort, it should buy Yamato time he needs to deal with this creature and then get rid of his sage chakra. 

He can hear someone calling out to him, in fact all of them, but Yamato is too busy blurring through seals. He’s a little rusty, some of these seals he hasn’t gone through since he first read them, years ago when Danzō gave him Hashirama’s old scrolls. These are not all senjutsu specific techniques, but they’re things Yamato’s never been able to do.

Until now.

“Mokuton: mokuryū no jutsu!” Yamato shouts, and a dragon bursts from the ground. It creaks as it circles him, hissing as the creature that has yet to approach them, and as Yamato hears the tell-tale sound of raikiri, he sends the dragon to collect the summoner and drain it of its chakra. 

He can feel time ticking, and a bead of sweat rolls down Yamato’s temple as he controls the movement of the dragon. The summoner tries to get the creature to attack the dragon, but Yamato remembers Hashirama’s guidance, how the trees and the wind and the earth are all the same. He is nature itself right now, and he splits the dragon in two. It has two heads, and one catches the summoner’s arm, throwing him from the creature. He lands in the mangrove, half-in the small pool of water, and the dragon curls around him, trapping him until Yamato has time to deal with him

Or one of the others breaks free, of course, and that looks like it’s going to happen sooner than Yamato hoped. He has to hurry.

Yamato closes his eyes. If this works, it’ll be the first senjutsu he’s ever used, the first proper one. He can lie and say he’s been practicing since the war, that he can do it just because of his connection to Hashirama, and he did it in a panic. No one will know Yamato is a sage, and he takes a deep breath, ignoring the creature that is turning its head this way and that, as if it is searching for Yamato.

“Senpō: myōjinmon!”

Three torri come down instantly, squashing the creature against the ground. It gives a huge screech, clawing at the torri, and Yamato presses his hands harder together, focusing all of his chakra on crushing the beast. It thrashes, its tail splintering some of the wood, and Yamato closes his eyes as the wood falls towards him. His mask shatters, and his face scratches, but his regeneration ability will take care of that. All he has to do is stop this thing, that’s the important job. He grits his teeth, pushing the torri down, and the creature screams, a terrible, blood curdling sound, before it falls silent. 

Yamato lets his hands part slowly, panting as he wipes wood dust and blood from his cheek. He can feel the last trickles of sage power draining from him, but he doesn’t take his eye from the creature, in case it decides it can get up.

He doesn’t hear the person coming up behind him, and Yamato starts as someone grabs him by the shoulder on his bad side. His eyes widen as Kakashi spins him around, eyes wide and panicked, looking as if the entire world is ending.

“Tenzō,” he says, voice raw as if he’s been shouting Yamato’s name this entire time, and Yamato feels the world fall into slow motion as a spark of recognition registers in Kakashi’s eyes.

A moment too late, Yamato feels his facial markings disappear as his sage chakra runs out. He opens his mouth to speak, but words fail him, and all Yamato can do is watch as Kakashi lets his arm drop to his side, confusion and disbelief clear on his face.

He’s lost him, Yamato thinks. It’s what he’s been preparing for, expecting, but it wasn’t supposed to hurt like this. Yamato was supposed to be okay being miserable. That was how things were supposed to be.

The ringing in Yamato’s ear picks up as he fights to keep his breathing even. He has consequences to face, and time’s up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for being patient! this took a bit longer than i thought it would as this was a bit harder to right motivation wise. there is one chapter left, so thank you for reading along with me so far and I hope you enjoy!


	5. [yamato]

Water washes over Yamato’s face, and his hands come up to wipe his eyes as he moves up, taking a lungful of air. He sinks back down, letting his body drop down in the water, and he opens his eyes, ignoring the sting of warm water.

The onsen is directly two thirds between the daimyō and Konoha. While not on their original plan, they’ve split momentarily, one person returning whatever had summoned the creature and the creature itself to Konoha. The rest of them, three guards, Tsunade and Kakashi, are stopping over until the other two return. 

Yamato comes back up. The water has nothing for him, and he walks to the changing rooms slowly, one foot in front of the other, as he has been since Kakashi turned away from him.

“We need to get these back to Konoha,” Kakashi had said, voice low and steely as he’d gestured to their captives. He hadn’t even glanced in Yamato’s way after that, and Yamato accepts that. What he’s done, lie and hide and pull Kakashi around – Kakashi has every right to be hurt. 

Yamato changes back into his uniform. This trip was only meant to be for one day, none of them have any other clothes. They’ve all done worse, and Yamato walks quietly back to his room, nodding to the guard stationed in the hall. Two get rooms and one gets the corridor, as per Tsunade’s orders.

As any perfect ANBU, Yamato enters silently and sits next to the door, as hidden as he can be. He could, in theory, merge into the wall, but he knows he’ll be talked to, no matter how much he’s wanted to avoid that.

“Your ANBU comrades were very impressed today,” Tsunade says. She’s sipping sake and has a book open, but they both know she’s not been reading it. “I was impressed too, and I think Kakashi was, when he wasn’t trying to cut through the swamp you’d stuck us in just to get to you.” She gives a curious hum, and Yamato looks in her direction. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs, though he doesn’t feel like he deserves compliments. 

“It’s unexpected, but makes sense when looking at things retroactively. I assume Naruto’s been helping you?” Tsunade asks, and Yamato looks down, nodding.

“I didn’t mean to involve him in the lie,” Yamato starts, and Tsunade sighs, cutting into his words.

“Listen,” she says softly. “I’m not your team. I’m not any of your little brats and I’m not Kakashi. It would have been nice if you’d informed me, as the Hokage, of your power increase, but everyone, at the end of the day, is looking for a power increase. It’s what ninja do.”

Tsunade smiles, actually smiles, and Yamato feels fear like he’s never felt before. Why is she being nice to him? Why isn’t he being punished?

“I’m not the one you need to feel guilty about this with. Judging by Kakashi’s reaction to you going alone in the fight, I’d say he was the one you need to talk to more than anyone.” Tsunade takes a sip of her drink. She looks Yamato in the eye and smiles. She is strangely comforting, and Yamato wonders if the bond between him and Tsunade has changed since the war, or if peace changes them all.

“I just want to talk to you, no guilt or explanations. Ignore that, even if just for one more night, and simply talk to me,” Tsunade says, and she nods to the space on the other side of the table she’s sat at. Yamato jerks, considers, and then stands. 

“He – Naruto – has been there from the start,” Yamato says, and Tsunade nods. “He came close to the mangroves, but he didn’t actually see them. Only I did, and, well.”

Tsunade nods. “That explains the swamp you stuck us in,” she says, good naturedly. She isn’t here to attack him or tell him he was wrong, Yamato is slowly realising, and he frowns.

“I don’t know why I haven’t told anyone,” he admits in a quiet voice. Tsunade raises and eyebrow, sipping her sake. She nods at Yamato, and he pours some sake into the second cup on the table. She had this planned, Yamato thinks.

“Are you sure?” Tsunade asks. “Because I think you do know. It’s why we’re all doing what we’re doing right now. We don’t trust peace, probably never really will, and we all need to cope with what happened in the war, some more than others.”

Tsunade falls silent, looking down. Yamato doesn’t press, simply takes a sip of his drink, letting the flavour roll over his tongue. It’s been a long while since he’s had such good sake, and he spares a moment to look outside. The moon is a thin crescent, and he’s glad.

“After the war, when things slowed down and I’d recovered, I couldn’t heal anyone.” Tsunade’s lips press together, and she shakes her head. “I could smell blood in the air, and I just froze. Even if I saw a drop, that was it, I couldn’t do anything but shake. It was as bad as it was years ago, and I wanted to know why. Why now? Why, after everything, was my fear coming back? I’d conquered it, or so I thought, and I didn’t need to fight anymore, so why couldn’t I save the people who needed it?”

She shrugs. “It didn’t matter what I told myself though. Every morning I would wake up, go to the hospital, and end up leaving, clinging to Shizune and trying not to fall apart just from seeing someone who had caught their hand on a door or something stupid like that.”

Yamato nods, rigid. No one had known about that – aside from Shizune clearly – and he wonders how Tsunade hasn’t fallen apart, how she’s still kept on going. Her art, her calling, her passion, had been taken away, not by something she could fight. Tsunade’s power had been taken away by herself, and Yamato doesn’t know how she’s kept it hidden and kept on going.

“Until one day, I decided I didn’t want to leave the room shaking anymore. I had a life to get on with, the war was in the past, and I needed to stop being so selfish and get over myself.” She laughs, brushing hair away from her face. Yamato leans in, eager to hear the rest. “Well, I went to the hospital, straight into the trauma ward, ended up vomiting in the nurse’s station bin and had to be escorted to a quiet room until Shizune could take me home.”

Yamato smiles, sinking back disappointedly. 

“There’s no miracle cure. You can’t just wake up and decide one day to be magically better. Some days the smell of blood still makes me sick and I can’t get past ten minutes of surgery. Some days I can have my hand inside someone’s body the entire day.” She tilts her chin and looks at Yamato, wisdom and kindness radiating from her. She may have an exceptional reputation, but Tsunade is also his Hokage, and while she will protect everyone, she’ll also love them. She loves Konoha, and wants Yamato to know this.

He nods. 

“There are some things I don’t think I can tell you,” he says honestly. There’s only one person who needs to hear those things, and that’s Kakashi. He’ll tell no one but Kakashi, and Tsunade nods.

“I’d like to hear about your sage mode. I saw my grandfather use it a handful of times, and it was as beautiful as it was terrifying. I saw… something in the war, from him and from… you.” She sounds a little uneasy, as if she doesn’t want to encroach, and Yamato nods slowly.

“They used me. Hashirama-sama gave me the directions to the island, but I didn’t think I’d go there at first.” Yamato thinks back to the mangroves, and then the waterfall. He thinks back to the spirit that guards the island, and he wishes that there were others he could send there. Maybe one day he’ll go back to train, and depending on how it goes with Kakashi, one day may be sooner than he wants.

“I started small, Naruto and I have been replanting the forests ruined by the war.” Tsunade nods.

“And then you started on Konoha’s trees? Blossoming even in the winter – did you know we’ve had people from all over the world coming to look at the miracle trees?” Yamato shakes his head at Tsunade’s words. He hadn’t known that, and it amazes him that people have come from so far away just to look at something he created.

“Today was the first time I’ve done anything like that,” Yamato admits quietly. “I couldn’t let them hurt… I couldn’t.”

Tsunade doesn’t say anything for a long moment. 

“My grandfather was a lot like Naruto, in a way. He had the same magnetism, the same kindness, though Naruto takes it to an entirely different level. He was a good man, even if he made some bad choices, and when he loved, he loved with all of his heart.” She smiles fondly, running a hand over the table.

“I have some scrolls that will be in better care if I gave them to you. I’d like to see them at some point too, if I may.” Yamato’s heart swells in his chest, and he nods hurriedly.

“Of course, it would be an honour and-“

“I’d like us to be friends,” Tsunade cuts in, looking out of the window. “I’d like to get to know you as Yamato, not as someone who has inherited my grandfather’s talents.”

Taken aback by her declaration, Yamato blinks. His mind whirls, and then he gets it as he sees Tsunade close her eyes, still turned towards the outside world. She is like him. They’ve both lost and lost and lost, and they’re starting to truly gain now. Peace is unsteady to them, but they can both do this, and Yamato wants to make more friends.

“I’d like that too,” he says, and he feels his strength building. He’s lied and secreted himself away, but it’s not the end of the world. Life still goes on, and he can do this. Yamato can become the person he’s supposed to be, and he opens his mouth.

“After the daimyō visit, and after I’ve sorted some personal things out, I know a teahouse that I’ve been meaning to go to.” Yamato looks at Tsunade hopefully, and she nods, smiling wryly. 

“That would be nice,” she says, and Yamato smiles in return.

The world isn’t ending.

.

He hardly sees Kakashi during the mission, and not through lack of trying. The rest of the team have decided that Yamato can take a slight back seat in this mission, so they’re busy focusing on the outside world, and Yamato is to be the impenetrable wall. He figures it’s because he stopped them helping yesterday, and he’s okay letting them take more control now. He suspects he’ll be taken in for a discussion when he’s back in Konoha, and Yamato is okay with that too.

The daimyō likes Kakashi. No, actually, he loves Kakashi, and he makes jokes about how this time Kakashi really is going for the Hokage seat, winking at Tsunade as he does so. Yamato can hear Tsunade’s patience waning as she huffs under her breath, and Yamato thinks she’s about to snap when they’re done. The daimyo invites them to stay longer, Tsunade states they need to return to Konoha, and that’s that. They’re on their way home – which will be a much shorter journey without needing to stop and wait – and Yamato feels every step jolt through him, nerves shocking up his spine.

It’s evening when they return home. Their team lingers at the gate as Tsunade pauses, and she nods to them. 

“Commander, I will speak with you in private. The rest of you are dismissed, and I expect to see you tomorrow bright and early,” she adds on, looking at Kakashi. He nods, the barest movement he can get away with, and the commander leaves with Tsunade.

The rest of the team hover, and Yamato’s throat dries. He opens his mouth, closes it, and then straightens his back, squaring his shoulder.

“I will see you tomorrow,” he tells the other ANBU members, and they nod, walking away slowly. He wonders what they’ll be doing this evening, if they have families to return to, or even friends. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. Yamato doesn’t really care, he’s just delaying the inevitable.

“I-“ he begins, but Kakashi jolts, looking away. He starts walking, and Yamato frowns, following silently. He doesn’t say anything, just keeps following Kakashi, and when he realises where they’re headed… well he shouldn’t really be as surprised as he is. 

Yamato unlocks his front door and Kakashi walks in as if it’s his own home. He sits down on Yamato’s favourite sofa, and Yamato puts some tea on. It’s not Kakashi’s favourite – he ran out of that a few days ago and forgot to pick up more – but it will do. It’s better than nothing, though he feels uncomfortable about it now, and feels his breath catch in his chest.

He perseveres. Yamato makes the tea, takes the tray into the sitting room, and puts it down on the table. His hands don’t shake, his breathing doesn’t freeze up, and he almost feels normal. Except for, of course, the raging ball of nerves in his stomach, but Yamato’s working on that one.

“I-“ he says, and Kakashi makes a low sound in the back of his throat. Yamato’s nerve breaks, and he falls silent, clamping his lips together. He sits down on the floor, opposite Kakashi, and waits. 

It’s six minutes and seven seconds before Kakashi moves, and of course Yamato was counting. His eyes drift from unseeing to Yamato’s face, and his eyebrows furrow as soon as he meets Yamato’s eyes.

“I don’t know you,” he says, and Yamato’s heart hammers in his chest, panic flooding him. He wants to grab Kakashi and shake him, tell him that he’s the only one that knows Yamato… but… he can’t. Because Yamato has been hiding himself, and Kakashi’s just speaking the truth.

“I thought, with the war, that you just needed space. And trees. And Naruto.” Kakashi looks away at that. “I thought that you needed time and space, and someone who wasn’t me. I thought you needed… not me.”

Yamato feels his stomach drop and emotion catch him. He hasn’t cried in a long time, but if there was ever a night to let the flood gates open, this would be the one.

“I didn’t push, you even asked me not to. I… I wanted you to be okay. After everything you went through, I thought you deserved something better. Something more.” Kakashi’s expression turns pained, and Yamato’s world is falling under his feet. He knew he’d been selfish before, but he’s only realising now exactly how selfish he really has been.

All this time, Kakashi’s been struggling too. And Yamato’s ignored him, pushed him away and fed a lie between them. 

“I tried to give you up so many times, but I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t have all of you, but I thought just that tiny part would be enough. For old time’s sake,” Kakashi lets his head fall down, running a hand through his hair. He keeps his head down after that, and Yamato leans forward.

“I thought you were going to die yesterday. You trapped me in tree roots and took on that opponent all by yourself, and I know you’re strong, I know I can trust you, but all I could think of was how I’d have to take you back to Konoha and tell everyone you died. All I could think of was telling our team that I’d failed, again. All I could think of was how you were going to become just another name on a growing list of people I love and failed, and I couldn’t bear that.” Kakashi’s voice is raw and deep, and each word presses hard into Yamato. This isn’t easy, and Kakashi has been hurting for so long. 

“And then I saw you!” Kakashi says, looking up. His eyes are wide, disbelieving, and he shakes his head.

He falls silent, just staring at Yamato. There is nothing in his stare, it’s blank and guarded, and Yamato knows he needs to talk. He needs to explain what he’s done and why he’s done it. He needs to talk so then Kakashi can talk back. They can solve this, they have to be able to solve this.

“I’ve never talked to anyone what happened to me in the war,” Yamato starts, and Kakashi remains unmoving. “I never wanted to. I got captured, I was tortured, the enemy used me. That’s all there was to it, case closed.”

Yamato shifts, crossing his legs and closing his eyes. He summons up the image of the room he’d been shut in for weeks, focuses on remembering what Hashirama’s power felt like flowing through him, even if it had been just a clone. He focuses on the truths and the details, because he wants Kakashi to understand.

“It was dark and lonely,” he says. “Kabuto took what information he could, and that was the only time I left the room.” Yamato reaches up to rub his ear, and notices Kakashi’s gaze. He shakes his head. His ear is something else entirely.

“There was a clone of Hashirama near me. We were both in… some unconscious state, and we connected. The spirit of Hashirama showed me where he’d become a sage, and told me that if I needed solace, that’s where I’d find it.” Yamato’s eyes dart around the room, and he shrugs. “I never thought much about it until after.”

Yamato steadies himself. He owes Kakashi the truth, and he’s going to do this. 

“I travelled to the island, the mangroves, and I learnt senjutsu.” He presses his lips together, searching Kakashi’s face for a reaction. He remains silent and still, and Yamato has no idea what to feel about that. 

“Naruto helped me, and we began fixing the damage the war made.” Kakashi frowns, and Yamato continues on quickly. “Physically, I mean. We planted trees, grew them. Like we did in Konoha.”

“You replaced the forest,” Kakashi says, emotionless. Something flickers across his face, and he shakes his head. “You and Naruto decided to use your power, power that can level nations, to grow trees.”

It doesn’t bother Yamato how he’s phrased it, because it’s the truth. Naruto could certainly level nations, and Yamato could, well. He could do something if he tried, he knows that. And they’ve decided to regenerate the land, learn to heal instead of keep on fighting.

“I wanted to do something. I abandoned you all in the war, the enemy used me. People died because I let myself get captured and-“

Kakashi stands quickly, and Yamato looks up, eyes wide. 

“You didn’t do anything,” he says, and Yamato’s blood runs cold. He knows that, he should have done so much more, and he’s trying to come to terms with the fact he can’t change that and-

“I mean when Kabuto took you. When they used you. You couldn’t do anything to stop them. It… it wasn’t your fault.” Kakashi sits down slowly, and Yamato feels tears prick his eyes. He looks away, blinking quickly, and sniffs. 

He can’t reply yet. All he has to do is keep staring at the wall, that’s it. He takes a shaky breath, risks glancing at Kakashi, and his bottom lip wobbles. He looks away.

“I wasn’t there for you,” he says, voice small. 

Because this is the core of it all – when it mattered, Yamato let them all down. It doesn’t matter if they won or lost. What matters is that Yamato left his team to fight alone. He left his village, his nation. He was on the enemy’s side, whether he could control that or not, and Yamato will never, ever, be able to change that.

“I don’t think I want to be the Hokage,” Kakashi says, wearily. Yamato looks up, ignoring the dampness on his cheeks, and nods slowly. “I feel that I’m becoming the Hokage because everyone else wants me to be, not because it’s my choice. I love Konoha, but…”

Kakashi takes his time, and Yamato waits.

“I have failed so many people in so many different ways, Tenzō. I can’t keep my best friends alive, I can’t protect my team members, I can’t even talk to the man I love…” Kakashi closes his eyes, sitting back on the sofa with a deep sigh.

“Every morning I’d wake up telling myself that I’d talk to you, that I’d tell you how I felt and talk about us. Every night I’d go to bed pretending I’d go do it the next day, and then the next and,” Kakashi breaks off, looking up. “It was just so easy to keep on as if nothing had changed.”

Yamato nods. He knows exactly how that feels.

“So now I’m the Rokudaime Hokage and you’re a wood sage,” Kakashi says, after a small pause. “We both have insecurities bigger than Suna’s desert, and problems bigger than Naruto’s appetite,” Kakashi pauses, narrowing his eyes.

“Which reminds me, why did Naruto bring a pack of his friends to my house to learn about prostates a while back?” Kakashi asks, and Yamato can’t help the laughter that bubbles from him. Kakashi’s look softens, and he nods to the space beside him. Yamato is there in an instant, careful not to get too close, just in case.

“You’re a sage,” Kakashi mumbles, reaching a hand to pull his mask down. He reaches for his tea, takes a sip even though it’s undoubtedly cold now, and repeats what he’d just said.

“I am,” Yamato admits.

“You’re a tree-growing sage,” Kakashi says, and Yamato closes his eyes, smiling slightly.

“And you’re a peaceful Hokage,” he replies, and he can feel Kakashi’s grin, even with his eyes closed. 

“We make an interesting pair,” Kakashi says, and the space between them closes. Kakashi shuffles slightly, until his shoulder and thigh are touching. 

They remain like that for a while, and slowly Yamato relaxes. He lets his body rest against Kakashi’s, lets himself hope that this is a new start for them. If it is, he’ll have to work hard and remind himself that, despite his flaws, Kakashi loves him. 

“We’re not over, are we?” he has to ask. Kakashi is silent for a moment, and Yamato feels a terrible pit opening up in his stomach. He waits, though, and is rewarded.

“Not unless you want it to be. I think we need to take it slowly, and I don’t know if the things we went through are the kind we can move past, but I can’t imagine my life without you.” He takes Yamato’s hand, and he’s shaking slightly, as if he almost can’t believe he still has Yamato.

“I’m sorry,” Yamato says, turning to face Kakashi. He looks startled, and Yamato smiles. “It’s long overdue, and there is still so much I have to tell you… but I’m sorry.”

Kakashi nods, and Yamato feels as if, for the first time since the war, they’re really going somewhere.

.

“Baa-chan told me,” Naruto announces happily. He’s currently lying on his back in Yamato’s living room when he’s supposed to be studying the proposed Konoha-Suna trade policies that Kakashi wants to implement. It’s a revised structure more than anything, and Yamato asked if he could train Naruto on them. While they do still sneak out to help supplement the forest, it’s coming along great by itself, and their pretend-training trips are now mostly real-training stay at homes.

“Did she now,” Yamato replies, deadpan. He has no idea what Tsunade’s told Naruto, and if it has anything to do with how she had to haul him home last weekend after plying him with alcohol, Yamato is going to stop every bar selling her sake. Somehow. Sage powers can do that, right?

“Yup, she told me how you used a super cool technique and saved everyone, while taking on the bad guys.” Naruto flings a hand out, sending a scroll skittering across the floor. “She doesn’t think just anyone has super cool techniques,” Naruto adds, and Yamato hums, glancing his way.

Things over the past few days have been good. His team know about his power, and apart from the people who were there, that’s it. Yamato wants to keep it quiet, and everyone’s been happy to oblige. Yamato doesn’t want to curse it, but things are looking up. Kakashi spends most of the time he’s not at the office at Yamato’s, and he thinks it’s only a matter of time before he asks Kakashi to move in.

Or they could get a place somewhere else together, Yamato really doesn’t mind. Kakashi is the important thing.

“That’s nice,” Yamato offers, when he realises Naruto wants a response. His words earn a sigh, Naruto sitting up and stretching. 

“How’d Kakashi-sensei take it?” he asks bluntly, and Yamato closes the book he’s been reading.

“Okay,” he admits. “There’s a lot we have to discuss still, and he never spends the night, but I think we’ll get here, in our own time.”

Naruto nods sternly, rolling back on the floor. 

“We should get a team photo,” he says quietly, and Yamato returns to his book.

It’s a good idea.

.

Sakura is the next one to ask. She corners Yamato while he’s inspecting tomatoes, hands on hips as she grins.

“You finally did it,” she says proudly, and Yamato can feel other people in the shop watching them in interest. He puts the tomatoes down and takes Sakura to a quieter aisle. He needs some canned goods anyway.

“I don’t think I would have on my own,” he admits, picking a few things out from the shelves. “And we’re not alright. We’re getting there.”

Sakura pushes hair behind her ear, rolling her eyes.

“You’re both already there, it’s just being a ninja that’s holding you back.” She nods, as if she’s imparted some amazing wisdom, and then deflates.

“You’re okay though? You’re not going to turn into one of those couples who scream at each other in the market because you can’t resolve your issues are you?” she looks desperate, as if she’s stumbled across a couple like that recently, and Yamato shakes his head slowly.

“If anything we’d be the ignore everything and pretend we’re okay even though we’re clearly not kind of couple,” he says, and Sakura tilts her head, nodding. 

“Of course,” she says, scanning the shelves. “Say, can I share your basket? I only need a few things…”

.

Sai brings over a bowl of casserole, stating he made too much last night and needs help getting rid of it. He says it with a twitch of his mouth, and Yamato knows he’s lying, but he doesn’t pick Sai up on it. It makes the food all that tastier, and Yamato isn’t sure he wants to share this with Kakashi later (he will really, but Sai’s good is just so good that sometimes Yamato thinks he could eat it all in one go).

“Kakashi and I still have issues, but we’re working on it,” Yamato begins before Sai has a chance. “It’s only been a week, and we still haven’t talked about everything,” he continues, and Sai raises an eyebrow.

“Well I was going to ask,” he says, “But I also wanted to ask you something else – about joining your division in ANBU? I was cleared to join a group if I wanted to, and I’d like to join yours.”

Yamato had opened his mouth to retort whatever question about his relationship Sai had, but he closes it. 

“Oh,” he says, and nods. “It would be an honour to have you.” He means it. Sai is a great tracker, and while he only works ANBU part time, Yamato will be glad to have him on board. 

“Thank you,” Sai said, bowing his head. There is a pause, and he looks up, taking Yamato in with narrowed eyes.

“Are you sure-“ he begins, and Yamato resists the urge to push him out of the door and close it.

“I’m sure,” he says firmly, and that’s case closed on Kakashi and Yamato’s relationship for today.

.

“You really want to do this?” Kakashi asks. He’s in Yamato’s bathroom, primping (he’ll deny that though), and Yamato’s yawning on the sofa, sprawled across it. He just got back from a two-day mission he spent mainly stuck in a swamp following up leads on the people who attacked them when Yamato had to reveal his powers, and while he wants Sai’s food, he doesn’t want to move. Would Kakashi carry him? Maybe.

“I don’t see why not,” Yamato replies, and Kakashi pokes his head out of the bathroom, calling down the hall. 

“Because we’ve never showed up together before, and it means something,” he says evenly, and Yamato blinks heavily, stifling another yawn. “And you’re about to fall asleep,” Kakashi adds, and that’s something Yamato can’t deny.

He doesn’t realise he hasn’t replied until he feels someone sit by his legs. Yamato jerks up, lets out a breath of air when he sees Kakashi’s soft smile, and sinks back down.

“Maybe I should give tonight a miss,” he mumbles, stretching. Kakashi lays a hand on his shin, massaging Yamato’s calf gently. It feels heavenly, and Yamato closes his eyes again.

“I sent Pakkun while you were dosing,” Kakashi admits, and Yamato hums. Kakashi always knows what he needs, even before he’ll admit it. Yamato is lucky to have him, and he opens his eyes, despite the effort it takes.

“I love you,” he says simply, and the hand on his leg freezes. Kakashi looks at him slowly, with wide eyes. He moves his head, shakes it slightly, and then looks back at Yamato.

Fear bleeds into Yamato, and he feels his tiredness fade as terror and panic swirl all around him. 

“I’m sorry,” he says hurriedly, sitting up. His leg feels unnaturally cold now, where Kakashi’s hands had been blazing against his skin only moments before. He didn’t think he’d said anything wrong, but now Yamato is scared. 

“No,” Kakashi says quietly, shaking his head. He’s still, too still, and Yamato doesn’t know what to do. They’d been doing okay, until now.

“I-“ Yamato begins, but he cuts himself off quickly. Kakashi looks down.

“How can you stand it,” he says, and Yamato frowns. How can he stand what? “You have all the power in the world, and I don’t even…” Kakashi swallows thickly. 

“I don’t have anything anymore. My sharingan is gone, I can’t live up to everyone’s expectations, they’re expecting me to become the Hokage, but how can I do anything after that war?” Kakashi looks up desperately, and Yamato reaches for him. He takes Kakashi’s hand gently and shifts until they’re pressed close together, hands in Kakashi’s lap.

He doesn’t know how Kakashi feels. The war took thing from them and put them through hell, but Yamato’s been free since the war. He might not have been right, but he’s been free. Kakashi on the other hand has been thrown into being a kage, and Yamato remembers how well he coped with that the first time around.

“You’re more than some fancy eye,” Yamato says, stroking the back of Kakashi’s hand. “You’re more than just a war hero and an excellent fighter. You’re more than the next Hokage. You’re Hatake Kakashi, and it might not mean much to you, but it does to me. You might not feel it, but that’s okay. You need time to accept, time to understand, and that might not happen quickly.”

Yamato smiles softly, looking at Kakashi. He looks so tired, crumbling under the pressure, and Yamato knows they need to break the calm truce they have layered their relationship in. No more walking on eggshells trying to protect their fledgling relationship. If it’s to be real and honest, it all needs to come out.

“Some days I wake up and wish I was still with Kabuto,” Yamato says, his voice shaking slightly. “That would make getting through the day easy, and some days I want that. They’re not very often anymore, not for weeks now, but I still have them.”

He wants, needs, Kakashi to know that nothing ever gets solved simply. In years maybe they’ll still have their problems clinging to them, but it’s working around the problems that matters. 

“Some days I want to find someone just to fight them and win,” Kakashi says, and Yamato nods. He understands that, but it will never solve these problems. There is no enemy to fight against and win when the problem is with yourself.

“I’m scared,” Kakashi says, so quietly that it doesn’t register in Yamato’s mind first of all. “I’m scared that one day you’ll wake up and realise that I’m… I’m nothing.”

Yamato jerks at that, gripping Kakashi’s hand tightly.

“You’re not nothing,” he says firmly. He knows that won’t rid Kakashi of the thoughts, but he needs to know he isn’t nothing. “You’ve never been nothing. You will never be nothing. Not to me. Not ever.”

“Tenzō-“ Kakashi starts, and Yamato smiles wide. He pauses, eyes widening, and then he smiles, an honest little thing that Yamato can see through his mask. “You make me feel like something. You always have, always will. I don’t know if I can be a good Hokage, but I feel like I can do something, with you.”

Yamato bumps against his shoulder gently.

“You’re flattering me too much you know, senpai,” he comments. “So we’re both a little messed up. Everyone in this village is,” Yamato says, and Kakashi hums in agreement. 

“It doesn’t change the fact that I love you,” Yamato says, and while the fear from before is still there, he needs Kakashi to know this. No more waiting, no more holding back. The only way they’ll move on is the hard way. Yamato’s stomach is in his mouth at the silence stretches, and then Kakashi tugs on his hand, turning Yamato to him.

“Hey,” Yamato says, and breaks off when he sees that Kakashi’s mask is down. He doesn’t get to continue his sentence, for Kakashi kisses him, something gentle and sweet. He pulls back, and Yamato opens eyes he hadn’t realised he’d closed. He smiles, and they must look like nervous teenagers doing this for the first time.

“I love you too Tenzō,” Kakashi says, leaning back on the sofa. Yamato blinks, his mouth opens slightly, and a smile plays across his lips.

“You don’t have to say it just because I did,” he says, and Kakashi shakes his head, pulling Yamato until he’s straddling him. 

“I wouldn’t be so cruel,” Kakashi replies, and Yamato’s missed this so much. He’s missed the fun, the teasing, the laughs and the smiles. He’s missed Kakashi so much, and he loops his arms around his neck, pressing gentle kisses against Kakashi’s jaw.

“Did you want to go to Sai’s?” Yamato says, and Kakashi tilts his head, letting Yamato kiss down his neck. He’s pale, skin rarely seeing sunshine, and blue veins map under skin. Yamato traces a finger over them, smiling as Kakashi shudders.

“I would like to say no, but the kids are tip-toeing around as if we’re their divorcing parents,” Kakashi says with a wry grin, and Yamato hums low, pulling back. He licks his lips, thinking of the way Sakura, Sai and Naruto have been hovering around them lately.

“Besides, I had Pakkun tell them we’d only be late,” Kakashi adds, and Yamato runs a hand through his hair slowly, nodding. 

“After dinner, do you want to come back here?” Yamato asks, nerves curling in the pit of his stomach. He doesn’t need to be nervous, though, for Kakashi squeezes his hand.

“I’d love that,” he says, and Yamato leans back in. They’ll leave after one more kiss.

.

It’s raining when they set out, and it keeps on raining and raining, until Yamato thinks his skin will never not be pruned up from water. Kakashi’s hair is flat, and he sighs every twenty minutes or so, turning his face up to the rain.

“This is great,” he comments not too far away from the forest. “I am suddenly seeing the appeal of a desk job.”

Yamato scoffs. “I’ll eat my own arm if you ever stop doing fieldwork,” he comments, and Kakashi hums in agreement.

“You know, I still don’t know what you can do with your sage powers,” Kakashi starts. His voice is slow, curious, but Yamato can tell he’s holding back. He wants to know everything, he always has, and Yamato smiles. 

“I’m going to show you, you know that,” he says, and Kakashi makes a disgruntled sound. 

“I hate waiting,” he says, childishly. They’re not far from the centre of the forest now, and Yamato rolls his eyes. 

“I know,” he says. “But it won’t be long until we are there, so just be patient.”

Kakashi mumbles something inaudibly, and Yamato pauses on a branch. Kakashi moves ahead of him, and Yamato sighs, smiling.

It takes three more minutes until Yamato has found the grove he wants, and he calls out to Kakashi. 

“We’re here,” he says, and Kakashi returns to his side, peering up at the trees. “You wanted to see what I can do, I’ll show you.”

It’s wet, the ground, but Yamato sits anyway, gathering his chakra. It’s a little harder with Kakashi right there and watching, but soon Yamato feels the empowering swell of nature chakra. It’s like breathing for the first time, and he opens his eyes slowly, looking at Kakashi.

He is staring at Yamato, eyes tracing his face. As Yamato stands, Kakashi reaches for him, smoothing over the lines the sage chakra paints his face with.

“Look at you,” he whispers, voice husky. “You’re…” he trails off, and Yamato looks at the trees, taking Kakashi’s hand.

“Our chakras are in synch,” Yamato says. No one else Yamato has ever worked with has been as in synch with him as Kakashi is, not even Naruto. “You should be able to feel how I feel when I use this technique.”

Kakashi squeezes as Yamato focuses his chakra. He’s done this enough times, with and without Naruto, that he just needs to concentrate. He’s going to grow some more trees, fill the spaces his last visit didn’t manage to fill, and then he’ll return with Naruto to grow them up a bit. 

Life blooms in Yamato, and he hears Kakashi inhale sharply. Power rises through him, flowing from his hands, and the forest comes to life. The trees sway, wood creaks, and the ground bursts with life. Yamato can see the saplings, and he focuses on ageing them slowly, thickening their trunks and making them sturdy. They will survive, like Yamato has, like Kakashi has.

Kakashi’s hands are sturdy against his back, and Yamato can keep pushing. His trees aren’t as grand or beautiful as the ones he creates with Naruto – Kurama’s chakra and Yamato’s mokuton were made for that after all – but the trees he creates with Kakashi are strong and full of life. 

“Tenzō,” Kakashi says quietly, as Yamato comes down from growing the trees, pulling back slowly. He lets the sage chakra slip from him, his marks fading as he turns to look at Kakashi. There is longing in Kakashi’s voice, and Yamato moves, pushing up until he’s before Kakashi, grabbing him by his jacket and pulling him close. Kakashi’s slips his mask down, and then they’re kissing, chests heaving as they try to get their fill. It’ll never be enough.

“Kakashi,” Yamato replies, resting his forehead against Kakashi’s and closing his eyes. He can hear birds singing around them, and he smiles.

Kakashi kisses him again, softer this time. His hand smooths over Yamato’s neck, and he doesn’t flinch, not even when Kakashi brushes his ear. He pulls back instantly, eyes wide as he prepares to apologise, but Yamato shakes his head, pulling Kakashi close again. His ear is part of him now, not something to be ashamed of. It is what it is, and he wants Kakashi.

“I want,” Yamato says, and bites his lip as Kakashi mouths his neck, teeth tracing the skin. He pauses on Yamato’s pulse, tongue smoothing over the skin, and Yamato shivers. 

“I know,” Kakashi replies, and Yamato brings his hands together. 

He’s used this jutsu many times before, even on Kakashi, and wood springs from the ground. It gently takes Kakashi’s ankles and arms, moving him until he’s sitting. Yamato forms a wooden seat too, and then he pauses, considering. It takes him all of three seconds to decide, and he builds walls around them. The roof stays off, and Yamato can feel the sun on his back as he takes his top off.

Kakashi is watching him pupils blown wide. He licks his lips as Yamato throws his clothes behind him, and Yamato tilts his chin, feeling bolder than he has in months.

His technique holds firm as Yamato settles himself on Kakashi’s lap, and he can feel Kakashi struggle against the wood, fingers itching to touch Yamato’s skin. He obliges, letting the mokuton release its grip, allowing Kakashi to move forward. His fingers feel like warmth and electricity, and Yamato shudders, tilting his head back as Kakashi’s mouth presses to his chest. 

“You have no idea,” Kakashi says between kisses, and Yamato’s hand moves to tangle in his hair at the back of his head, “what you do to me.”

“I think I do,” Yamato says with a laugh, and Kakashi pulls up, tongue darting out as he smirks.

“Maybe you do,” he compromises, brushing his knuckles against Yamato’s cheek bone. He is gentle, and Yamato turns his head until he can press a kiss against Kakashi’s fingers. 

This is what he wants, what he’s always wanted. Not just the sex, though that is lovely, but the intimacy, the trust and the bond with Kakashi. He’s missed that since the war. They had been hollow before, but now they’re filled to the brim bursting with love. This is what they really are, and Yamato moves a hand down, slipping Kakashi out of his clothes. He is hard, as is Yamato, and his cheeks flush as Yamato smooths a hand over him, familiar and knowing. He knows what Kakashi likes and what Kakashi loves. They both know that about each other, and Yamato runs his fingers lightly over Kakashi’s cock, barely a touch. It sends a shudder through Kakashi, and Yamato smiles.

But he’s not here to tease, and he shifts until Kakashi’s cock is behind him, waiting.

Kakashi mumbles something against his neck, between pants, and Yamato eases up as he feels something cool against his thigh. He grimaces; the technique Kakashi used makes for a decent lube, but it stains, and Kakashi’s going to have some interesting marks on his lap when they’re done.

Oh well. A problem for later.

Kakashi starts slow, slipping his finger inside Yamato and waiting for him to adjust. It’s been a while since they did this, properly anyway, and Yamato frowns, shifting. His hips start to rock, muscle memory taking over, and he sighs as Kakashi slips another finger in. It’s not unwelcome, just different, and Yamato still needs to adjust.

They go slow. Kakashi is attentive, and Yamato is in control here, that’s how it’s working. He hitches up, sliding down on Kakashi, and his muscles quiver at the change, at the possibility that is before him now. He has Kakashi, and Yamato shifts in his seat, grinning as Kakashi’s breath hitches.

“I’ll go slow,” Yamato promises, and he does, shifting his hips and curling over. He did want to watch Kakashi, but it’s all too much, and Yamato’s head rests on Kakashi’s shoulder instead, pleasure echoing through him as he moves.

Kakashi’s hands grip his waist, and he lets his control change hands, pace changing as Kakashi shifts. Yamato gasps as Kakashi moves, and he smiles, letting out a groan. It feels good, and he throws his head back, hand coming up to grip Kakashi’s shoulder.

He can hear the wind and the birds around them as if they are miles away. There’s nothing that matters right now that isn’t Kakashi, and Yamato draws his bottom lip into his mouth, feeling himself growing closer and closer. It doesn’t take long, not when it’s Kakashi and not when they haven’t been together in a while. Not when things are actually going well and this means so much. He comes, just before Kakashi, and his body shakes with the pleasure of it, his weight slumping onto Kakashi as he’s pulled close into a kiss.

Yamato lowers them to the ground, chest heaving as he forms a sort of wooden cocoon around them. He’s not ready to return to the world yet, and he doesn’t think Kakashi is either. This is their world, their time, and they’re going to stay here for as long as they need.

“Thank you for sharing this with me,” Kakashi says, and he kisses the side of Yamato’s head. He’s wrapped in Yamato’s arms, tracing absent-mindedly on Yamato’s skin, and it’s so peaceful.

“Only you,” Yamato says, his voice drifting off. He clears his throat and Kakashi’s fingers stop moving against his skin, pressing flat over his heart instead. “It’s only you who makes me feel like this. Only and always you.”

Kakashi doesn’t reply, but he doesn’t need to. The way he looks at Yamato says it all, and there’s nothing more in this world Yamato wants right now. He has what he needs, has what he’s wanted. 

They’re only a little late returning for Sai’s dinner, and if any of their team notice, they don’t comment on it. 

They just make inappropriate jokes over dessert, but that’s nothing new.

.

The photographer looks unimpressed, but Naruto keeps on chattering away as Sakura pulls them together. They decided that Sai would be in the middle, and Yamato can see his awkward stance, unsure what to do with his arms. Naruto and Sakura decide for him, each gripping an arm with a grin, and Sai’s shoulders dip. They’re good for him, Yamato thinks, and he smiles as he turns to Kakashi. He has a mischievous look in his eyes, and Yamato wonders what he’s up to.

“If we could…” the photographer says, and Naruto replies for them all.

“Kakashi-sensei! Yamato-taichō! It’s photo time!” His enthusiasm is infectious, and Yamato stands behind them, Kakashi at his side. It’s his bad side, but whereas a few months ago, Yamato would have cringed at the idea of Kakashi standing by his deaf ear, now he feels nothing. Kakashi doesn’t care about that, loves Yamato for all of himself, and that’s what matters. 

Sakura looks back, and she smiles, grabbing Yamato’s hand to place on her shoulder. It seems Kakashi is getting the same treatment from Naruto, and Yamato thinks they all planned this. This photo isn’t just a Team Kakashi photo, it’s a family one, and both Sakura and Naruto want them to know it. He has a feeling it’ll end up in Kakashi’s photo album present when he (finally) goes through with his inauguration, but there will be at least one copy Yamato will keep in his home, pride of place for everyone to see.

They’ll have to get another one when Sasuke’s back, Yamato thinks. He’s precious to Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi, so he is precious to Yamato too.

“Ready?” Naruto asks, and everyone shuffles. The photographer sighs in relief, and they all freeze, smiles in place.

Just as the camera goes off, Yamato feels Kakashi’s hand grip his, fingers curling against the back of his hand. His smile becomes even more sincere as he squeezes back. It’s been a long road, and Yamato doesn’t think they’re through all their issues and insecurities, but they’re not giving up on each other. He has Kakashi and he loves him, and he will never let that slip.

“You should get the photographs in a few days,” the photographer says, and they begin to part, Sai insisting they go back to his for some food. Naruto pumps a hand up in the air as Sakura laughs, and Yamato thinks he can have a bit of fun with this one.

“I think Kakashi-senpai had his mask down,” Yamato comments casually, and the group turn to him, mouths open and eyes wide.

“What,” Sakura says, just as Naruto whoops, dancing on the spot.

It’s a lie, and Yamato meets Kakashi’s eyes with a smug smile, but it’s a harmless lie. He listens as Naruto launches into a long spiel about how he can’t wait to see Kakashi’s face when the photo comes out, and bumps shoulders with Sai as they leave.

“You were joking, weren’t you,” Sai mumbles, sounding disappointed, and Yamato shrugs, just as Kakashi rubs the back of his head, trying to put off answering whatever Sakura just asked him. 

“Maybe,” Yamato admits, and they exit out of the building. The sun is strong, and Yamato closes his eyes, enjoying its warmth. “But it was fun. And he’ll probably take his mask off around you soon, so you’ll get to see the real deal then,” he says. Kakashi’s mentioned it before, how he feels comfortable enough to, but he hadn’t wanted to put the last coffin in the nail on the fun of teasing them. Maybe now he will, judging by the slope of his shoulders. He’s not enjoying whatever Sakura and Naruto are doing to him.

He has the people he loves right here, despite everything that’s happened and all they’ve been through. They all deserve this, Yamato thinks, and that’s a thought he wouldn’t have agreed with months ago. But he can now, they all can, and he smiles as they pass under a tree. 

“  
.

Later that night, Kakashi is sprawled out in bed, one of Yamato’s books open. He’s only pretending to read, but that’s okay. Yamato is having a lot of fun staring at Kakashi’s skin as he finishes brushing his teeth.

“You don’t seem to be enjoying that one,” Yamato says as he slips into bed. He sinks into the pillows, stretching out under the sheets. His knee bumps Kakashi’s thigh, and Yamato turns on his side, curling up against Kakashi. He’s warm and quick to wrap an arm around Yamato, sliding the book on the bedside table.

“I was distracted,” Kakashi says with a smile, and Yamato huffs against him, secretly pleased. “And thinking.”

Yamato waits, poking one of Kakashi’s ribs when he remains quiet. His efforts reward him a strange sound from Kakashi’s throat, and he glares at Yamato.

“Maybe I won’t tell you what I was thinking now,” he says, mock-offended. Yamato just laughs, propping himself up on his elbow and looking at Kakashi.

“Right, of course,” he says, raising an eyebrow. “I guess I’ll have to drag a confession out of you,” Yamato adds, sliding a hand across Kakashi’s stomach, making his way down slowly.

“Well,” Kakashi starts, and he catches Yamato’s hand. “I want to tell you something first.”

Interest piqued, Yamato’s attention slides away from sex. 

“It’s just I’m here a lot,” Kakashi begins, and Yamato nods. “And my house… well it’s not great. Here there’s lots of space for the dogs, a nice garden, great location and, well, you.”

A warm feeling blossoms in Yamato’s chest as he realises what Kakashi is asking. He grins, launching forward to kiss Kakashi’s shoulder, and nods.

“Move in with me?” he asks, though he doesn’t need to. He feels more excitement than he has in ages, and he can see his emotions mirrored on Kakashi’s face. They’re going to do this, they really are, and it’s everything Yamato has dreamt of and more.

“Alright,” Kakashi murmurs, and he pulls Yamato a little closer. “Though we’re switching to my fabric softener.”

“I don’t use fabric softener,” Yamato replies, closing his eyes. Kakashi knows this, they had a heated discussion once, years back, where Kakashi called him a barbarian and Yamato told him he was too prissy not to do even one wash without it. They’d broke into laughter and ended up forgetting the washing altogether.

“Mine can be ours then,” Kakashi says smugly, and Yamato sighs, smiling. 

“Sure, sure,” he agrees.

There is silence after that, Yamato dozing lightly, and he registers Kakashi turning the lights off. He stirs, opening one eye blearily in the darkness, but he finds his way back to Kakashi, curling up against his side as he lays on his back. Kakashi turns his head to bury his chin in Yamato’s hair, and he speaks, voice low and humming through Yamato.

“I’m glad it’s you,” he says, and the words flow through Yamato, warming him. It means everything, he thinks, and his sleepy mind seems to float. Whatever comes for them, whatever they’ll face, it’ll be together, and that’s what matters. 

“Me too,” Yamato agrees. It’s been a long time coming, and it’s been tough-going, but they’re making it. They’re living their lives, and Yamato feels nothing but excitement for the future he’s going to be a part of.

He has power, yes, all the power he could ever want, but that’s not what Yamato treasures. What he treasures is his family, a small, strange family, but his nonetheless. He is loved and loves others, and that’s more than Yamato has ever hoped for. 

He has a life, a future and a family, and that is more than enough.

He is happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! i really appreciate all the support you guys have given me, it means so much. I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> (a note about Kakashi - I wanted this to be able to tie in with what we have of canon, and I know basics of what happens in his novel and of his insecurities. this means Kakashi's problems weren't as addressed as Yamato's, but that's okay - they'll get through them together until they become old men taking onsen holidays together, which will be the next story I write about them of course!)


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